I admit it:When I began my journey of personal growth nearly five decades ago, my motivations were selfish. I wanted to grow to be successful.
Maybe that's why you're reading this magazine right now. There are goals you want to achieve and milestones you want to achieve, but you know you have to grow to get there. I felt the same way. Growth was key to achieving my goals.
But here's why I describe my personal growth experience as a journey:Over time, motivations changed for me. I found that as I progressed, I increased my influence with people. But this influence was not for my benefit – it allowed me to contribute to the development of others.
Related: 6 Powerful Influencer Personality Traits
This progress has led me not only to success, but to meaning. In developing others, I have found the greatest joy and reward of my life.
In retrospect, it is no surprise to me that this change propelled me to even greater success. But every coin has two sides, so let me describe both here.
Put others first
As a young leader, I started out thinking my vision came first. I thought my most important responsibility was to get people to buy into me, where I was going, what I was doing, what I was asking. But that all changed for me when I realized that people only let me lead when they knew my motives were right – that I would put them forward for my own sake.
People want to know that they matter to the person running them. The people who work with you and for you do not wish to be followers or lost cogs in some kind of machine that you are building. They want to be partners, and the partners go the extra mile for each other. As a leader, when I went the extra mile for my people, they were happy to do the same for me. The return I received on my investment in others overwhelmed me with new feelings of significance.
Things in this world are temporary; people are what matters. Your career, hobbies and other interests will die with you. People continue. What you give to help others enables them to give to others. It's a cycle that can continue long after you've died and gone.
Related: 3 Ways to Make Your Relationships the Best It Can Be
It's often said in organizations that people are the most valuable asset, but many leaders don't act like it's true. If you are a leader, the measure of success is not how many people serve you, but how many people you serve. Putting people first is important because your actions impact so many other people. Plus, treating others well helps us navigate life better and puts us in a place where we can learn from others.
When people come first into your life, adding value to them becomes natural. You do it as a matter of lifestyle. You add value to people because you value people and you believe they are valuable.
But…here's the flip side that I mentioned.
Don't let people Others Control You
When my wife Margaret and I were married and beginning my career as a pastor, we had very few resources. Basically, we were scratching our way out. During this time, we became friends with a couple who were financially well off. Every Friday night Jack and Helen would take us to a nice restaurant and buy our meal. It was the highlight of my week, as Margaret and I couldn't afford to eat there. Over a period of two years, we received many wonderful benefits from this friendship and were very grateful.
After three years in this position, I received an offer to become the leader of a larger big church. It was a great opportunity with a lot of progress and potential. But when I announced that I would be leaving to pick him up, Jack wasn't happy.
I'll never forget his words, "John, how can you leave after all I've done for you. ? It was then that I realized that Jack was slowly starting to possess me. He was keeping score, and I had no idea!
That was a wake-up call. That day, I made an important choice:I would always try to give more than I received in relationships. And I would never keep a score.
Related: 4 Important Truths of Lasting Relationships From that day forward, I never let one of my chefs pick up the check at a restaurant. I decided to be on the side of life as much as possible.
Obviously, I always receive from others. I am blessed beyond words by what others have done for me. But I don't want to give up control of my life. I want to be able to value people without any conditions. A life that gives should create freedom for yourself and those you help.
As a leader, you must ensure that no one owns you – and you do this by giving more than you take. . You can figure out this math quickly:just make a list of the key people in your life. Now think about each relationship and determine if you are primarily the giver, primarily the taker, or if the relationship is regular.
If you are primarily the taker, then you need to make adjustments. How are you doing that? By making an effort to outperform the people in your life without keeping a score.
You can do this not only with family and friends, but even with your employer. Make an effort to give more work than your organization pays you. Not only will the people you work for and value you more, but you will add more value to them. And, if you have a new opportunity to move on to bigger and better things, you can do so knowing that you always gave your best.
