I would never say that my elementary school bullies made me who I am today. Yet those early experiences shaped my career and my leadership style in ways I'm still discovering.
I went to a very small elementary school – think 40 students in total – and I always tried to to help new girls who came from other countries and were to join this tight-knit group. As is often the case, my early efforts to include strangers turned me into one myself. The popular girls in my class bullied me, chasing me around the schoolyard at lunch every day chanting, “You have no life! You do not have friends! To avoid my bullying, I started eating alone in the girls' bathroom. I was alone, but I also learned to be resilient. And I learned the value of sharing a meal as a way to connect with others. Although I didn't realize it at the time, you could say that founding Chewse was my way of trying to create a more authentically connected world:a world where no one has to eat lunch alone.
Leadership wholeheartedly
My solitary lunches inspired more than the mission of my company. Knowing what it's like to be an outsider has had a direct impact on the way I lead my team and the transparent and inclusive company culture we've built together.
On the one hand, we have structured our business so that no one is left behind. We engage our delivery drivers and meal hosts as employees, not contractors. This way, every member of our team is included and invested in the success of the business. While hiring gig employees is acceptable in many situations, a gig-based business would not create the strong, inclusive culture that empowers our team members.
Once employees are on board, we strive to provide a supportive atmosphere that considers the whole person. Work and life just aren't separate these days, and trying to leave our personal lives at the office door just isn't possible — or healthy. Because feeling lonely is all too common, inside and outside of work, my team makes it a point to greet everyone we meet warmly and lovingly. Hugs are commonplace in the Chewse offices! As a former stranger, I know how important it is to reach out, make eye contact, and create an immediate connection.
Related: The Most Important Part of Success is Connection
5 Steps to Inclusive Leadership
Being bullied as a child doesn't define me, but it shaped how I respond in the world. Here are five things I learned about empowering myself and the people around me:
1. Be transparent.
One of the best – and oldest – decisions I made for our company culture was to maintain salary transparency. We decide salaries based on performance, not bargaining ability, and then we share what everyone in the organization does, including me. This kind of transparency empowers everyone to make informed decisions and, as studies show, creates a more productive, creative, collaborative and motivated group of people.
We started to do because I saw that women weren't negotiating their pay as hard as men and as a result we were paying women less for the same level of work. I wanted our company to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, so we made transparency central to our culture.
2. Take the time to grow personally.
When you're in a position of authority, you don't always get the feedback you need to grow and develop as a human and as a leader. That's why it's important to build a network of people who will provide honest input, point out your blind spots, and offer tools to help you continue to grow.
I forged my network with a combination therapy, executive coaching and CEO peer groups. This means carving out at least three hours a week for personal development. I have found this type of self-care to be essential to understanding my impact on others, which allows me to make inclusive decisions.
3. Practice self-compassion.
We have all had situations in our past where we felt unsafe, scared, and alone. Many of us try to ignore them or minimize their impact, but this type of repression is bad for physical and mental health. Numerous studies have shown that practicing self-compassion – supporting and understanding yourself – increases emotional intelligence, happiness and general well-being, while decreasing anxiety, depression and fear of failure.
For me, compassion means building a relationship with my past. To do this, I use a visualization technique:I imagine myself younger in the school bathroom during lunch. I come in as an adult me, gently take this lonely girl's hand and lead her to a cafe. I buy her a treat, tell her how our life is going, and assure her that everything will be fine. Feeling that kind of compassion for myself creates space for me to help and empower others in turn.
4. Make room for every voice.
As a leader, it is my responsibility to ensure that everyone's voice is heard. It's good for business – the more ideas shared, the better for the organization – but it's equally important for the growth of each individual. To thrive in their own careers, they need to learn assertiveness skills, skills that build self-esteem and correlate with confident problem-solving and open communication.
It is not enough to encourage my team to speak out; I also create opportunities for everyone to be heard. In our organization, for example, we have a culture committee whose members are appointed to share feedback and create cultural initiatives. It allows the team to help cultivate an inclusive culture that grows with the business.
5. Break the silence.
For leaders, managing employees who are going through a stressful time is a test of finding a balance between compassion and the needs of the business. At Chewse, we use a color-coded check-in system that allows us to share our feelings every day. This helps us flag when it might not be the best time to receive difficult feedback or to take on a big project. As a child who was bullied, I often wished someone would check me in, letting me know I was not alone.
We also strive to recognize and appreciate the work fierce. Every Friday we dedicate 20 minutes to what we call attitudes of gratitude, in which we share our gratitude for what others have done throughout the week. For example, the support team may recognize the engineering team for fixing a system bug and saving them hours of work. This beautiful practice bridges the gaps between teams and between leaders and team members, and it helps us all be healthier and more productive.
What kind of leader would I be if I didn't work only for my own personal development and did not facilitate the growth of my team? Not only would I be suppressing individual potential, but I would be putting the entire company at a disadvantage by removing the contributions each person could make.
My leadership style may indirectly stem from bullying as a child, but it has become so much more than that . It was a thirst for creating welcoming spaces where no one has to eat alone that inspired my business, and it's a passion for developing an inclusive and empowered team that has made it thrive.
