Recently, a friend told me about his struggle to become a determined leader. When he started his business, he said, he had every intention of building a service-based business that transcends typical profit-seeking success criteria. At first he was inspired by his mission and assumed that when people saw what he was trying to accomplish, they would rally behind him in support.
Related: 3 steps to make your business more meaningful
Unfortunately, that didn't turn out to be the case. People - including his own employees - complained about the way he ran things and accused him of being selfish in not putting their needs first. He began to view his task as thankless, and out of frustration he eventually decided to take care of himself, focusing on money and power rather than his original goals. He didn't like the idea of giving up on his principles, but he didn't feel he had much choice given the pressure he felt to conform.
I was discouraged to hear that , but not surprised. In fact, it's not uncommon in the business world:Entrepreneurs come into it thinking they're going to change the world for the better, then end up bowing to the pressure to adapt to the status quo and measure their success compared to the traditional silver scorecard. “It happens to every entrepreneur at some point,” I told my friend. “You just have to rise above the bar. You need to raise the bar for yourself. ”
A lot of people say they want to be purposeful leaders. Far fewer of these people actually want to do the work involved in this endeavor, no matter how much – or more likely how little – they are appreciated or recognized for it. Valuing purpose over profit means you run the risk of being used by people with more greedy motivations. This is understandably difficult for a founder who has already sacrificed a lot and spent a great emotional effort to start his business. But, I said to my friend, “You have to overcome this challenge and realize that your life is going to be better if you live a life of service and measure your success by what you truly value, not what the society tells you to do. value. Part of service is sacrifice, which means you can't rely on validation from other people to make you feel like you're doing what you're supposed to. Just believe you made the right choice.
And at the end of the day, that's what it comes down to:a choice. In his classic book Man’s Search for Meaning Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said:“Between stimulus and response there is a space. Within this space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. In everything we do, we have a choice, but making the right choice takes thought and energy and taking responsibility. Making choices is difficult. In fact, research has shown that the more choices we are forced to make in a given amount of time, the more our judgment and ability to think critically are impaired. To guard against this fatigue, we so often resort to the simplest or default choice. Often we don't even realize we are making a choice. You could even say we had no choice when in fact we still do.
When my friend decided to deviate from his real purpose, he made a choice but justified it by saying he didn't really have a choice. By reminding him that he did, indeed, always have the ability to make his own choices and that – especially in this case – those choices matter, he became newly empowered to build the business he had initially. planned to create. Our choices are better when they are aware, when we see them for what they really are. When forced to carefully consider our choices, most of us will make a very good choice; it's when we surrender our responsibilities to ourselves and those around us and deny our own autonomy that we do things we wouldn't otherwise choose.
I don't know why so many people have criticized my friend – and others like him – for choosing to live by their values and integrity. My best guess is that they don't feel secure in their own choices, and when we illuminate alternative paths they could have taken, they get angry and defensive. By challenging their choices, we challenge their very existence – their self-esteem, their life, their values – and force them to reconsider. It's extremely uncomfortable, and so they pick on it.
Part of the problem is that as a society, we've come to collectively equate money and power with success. If you want other people to see you as a success, then you must choose to play by these metrics. Since we are social animals, it is easier to just play the game than to choose to be a rogue and measure success differently. But I think over time more and more of us are starting to see the limits of defining success in terms of money and power. We begin to realize that we, as individuals and members of a community, are more successful if we allow for creativity, creation, and cooperation rather than greed. And the more each of us makes a conscious choice to measure our success this way, the sooner we can prosper.
Related: 8 principles of goal-oriented leadership
