Simon Sinek had written a best-selling book on team-building and given a TED Talk seen, to date, by over 30 million people when he discovered the secret to leadership that now governs his philosophy.
The revelation came during a conversation with a Marine Corps officer about what makes the corps so extraordinarily tight-knit that Marines willingly trust each other with their lives. Walk into any mess hall in the Marine Corps, Lt. Gen. George Flynn told Sinek, and watch the Marines line up for their food. The youngest eat first, followed in rank order, with the leaders eating last. This practice is not in any rulebook; Marines do it simply because of how they view leadership responsibility.
Related: Leaders Eat Last
While many people think of leadership as a matter of rank, power, and privilege, Marines believe that true leadership is the willingness to put the needs of others before your own. For this reason, Sinek titled his 2014 book Leaders Eat Last:Why Some Teams Band Together and Others Don't —A follow-up to his powerhouse Start with why:How great leaders inspire everyone to take action .
In Leaders Eat Last , Sinek, 40, offers a concept of leadership that has little to do with authority, managerial acumen, or even direction. True leadership, says Sinek, is about empowering others to achieve things they never imagined possible. Exceptional organizations, he says, "put the well-being of their people first and, in return, their people give all they have to protect and advance the well-being of each other and the organization. ”
Whether we're running armies, multinational corporations, or a fledgling home-based business, Sinek's message is the same. "We all have a responsibility to become the leaders we want to be," he says in a phone conversation from his New York home.
A lesson in biology
It turns out that the Humans are equipped with a built-in set of chemistry that prompts us to protect not only ourselves, but others as well. Four primary neurochemicals – endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin (all essential for normal brain function) – contribute to our positive feelings of happiness, pride, joy, accomplishment and fulfillment. And beyond just making us feel good (when properly balanced), they ensure our long-term survival.
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Endorphins and dopamine are what Sinek calls “selfish” chemicals; they are liberated, so we will persist in the tasks we need to do as individuals. Endorphins mask physical pain with pleasure. They can produce the high of the runner's peak or, as in Paleolithic (Stone Age) times, give us the strength to follow prey for miles and miles so that we have enough to eat. Dopamine is the source of the warmth of satisfaction we feel when we complete a project or achieve an important goal on the way to an even greater goal. The feeling of satisfaction we get when we cross something off our to-do list is fueled by dopamine, and the release of dopamine increases as we tackle bigger challenges. "The bigger the goal, the more effort it takes, the more dopamine we get," Sinek explains. “That's why it's really nice to work hard to accomplish something difficult. Something quick and easy can only give us a small boost, if anything at all. There is no biological incentive to do nothing. »
On a deep level, we need to feel that we and our work are valued by others, especially those in our group.
Serotonin and oxytocin are the “selfless” chemicals. Serotonin is the molecular manifestation of the feeling of pride – we get it when we perceive others to like or respect us. At a deep level, we need to feel that we and our work are valued by others, especially those in our group. This compound strengthens the bond between parent and child, teacher and student, coach and player, boss and employee, leader and follower. At the same time, oxytocin works to promote empathy and trust, allowing those bonds to deepen. Unlike the rush of instant gratification brought about by dopamine, oxytocin has long-term effects that are amplify the more we bond with someone. The more we learn to trust them and gain their trust in return, the more oxytocin flows. This is the chemical manifestation of love. "It's responsible for all the warm and fuzzy elements," Sinek explains. When we are in the company of friends, family and close colleagues, a surge of oxytocin propels acts of generosity that strengthen bonds.
Homo sapiens developed a herding instinct; thanks to these cooperative chemicals, we find comfort when we are part of a group. “Our confidence that we can deal with the dangers around us literally depends on feeling safe in a group,” Sinek says. “Being on the outskirts is dangerous. The loner at the edge of the group is much more susceptible to predators than someone who is safely surrounded and enjoyed by others. »
Beyond the reptile brain
If you were driven solely by endorphins and dopamine, you would have a reptilian brain. Crocodiles, says Sinek, act completely on the “me first” instinct. When two hungry crocodiles spot the carcass of a wildebeest floating down the river, the two rush towards it. The faster and stronger of the two will consume every last bit, leaving nothing behind for its fellow croc. "There is no part of the reptilian brain that rewards cooperative behavior," says Sinek.
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Sinek admits there is a lot of reptilian behavior at the top of companies these days – many corporate environments short-circuit our ability to cooperate and be compassionate, at the instead of promoting paranoia, cynicism and self-interest. “In the army, we give medals to people who sacrifice themselves so that others gain,” Sinek explains. “In business, we give bonuses to people who win when others sacrifice. »
“You can absolutely be successful when leaders eat first. But that success is going to be short-term and less able to weather tough times. »
Crocodile behavior works for very few people in an organization, at least for a while. “You can absolutely be successful when leaders eat first,” Sinek says. “But that success is going to be short-term and less able to weather tough times. In difficult times, people will not rush to the aid of a leader if they never felt that he or she had put their best interests first. You can get a lion to do what you want it to do by whipping it, but at some point it will come back and bite you.
Putting profits before people was one of the reasons many banks and mortgage companies had to be rescued by huge government bailouts after the 2008 stock market crash, Sinek said. Compare that, he suggests, with big-box retailer Costco. “People sometimes criticize Costco for its flat stock performance, but that's only true if you do a quarterly valuation. If you look over a few decades, what you see is slow and steady growth. If you had invested a dollar in Costco and a dollar in, say, General Electric in 1986, you would have made about 600% of your investment in GE and 1,200% of your Costco investment so far. ”
When the economic downturn rocked the retail world in 2009, then-Costco CEO James Sinegal endorsed a $1.50 hourly raise for employees, insisting that in a bad economy, “we should figure out how to give [workers] more, not less. Today, paying its employees an average of $21 an hour compared to $13 for Wal-Mart, Costco has extraordinarily low turnover – less than 10% for hourly employees.
It's Empathy
Sinek says researching his latest book has even changed the way he conducts his own life and business. “The lesson I learn is that I am useless on my own. My success is entirely dependent on the people I work with – the people who are committed to joining me in my vision. And it's my responsibility to see that they work at their best. Empathy – the ability to recognize and share the feelings of others – is the most important tool in a leader's toolbox, Sinek believes. This can be expressed in simple terms:“Are you okay?”
This is what effective leaders ask an employee, instead of ordering “Clean your desk” when they start to slack off. This is what you ask of a client when a once smooth relationship becomes difficult. “I really believe in silent confrontation,” Sinek says. "If you had a good working relationship with someone and it suddenly turned sour, I believe in saying something like, 'When we first started, we were both so excited, and it got really difficult now. How are you? What changed? »»
“These small considerations for others have a constructive effect. The daily practice of prioritizing the well-being of others has an aggravating and reciprocal effect in relationships. »
Sinek trained himself to be more empathetic by paying attention to everyday gestures, like holding elevators for others or filling the coffee pot. Even small acts of kindness release a small shot of oxytocin of well-being. Plus, "these little considerations for others have a constructive effect," says Sinek. “The daily practice of prioritizing the well-being of others has an aggravating and reciprocal effect in relationships, friendships, the way we treat our clients and colleagues.”
If Sinek sometimes sounds like someone singing “Kumbaya” around the campfire, he is not embarrassed.
“I am the first to admit that I am an idealist. Leaders eat last is a vision of the future. It offers an explanation of how we are where we are today and what we can do to change it. He pauses, then—sounding like something other than a Paleolithic caveman—offers a few words of farewell.
“True leadership is not the bastion of a few who sit at the top. . It is the responsibility of everyone who belongs to a group, and that means each of us. We all need to step up, take the risk and put our best interests first, not always, but when it counts. »
Related: Titles don't make leaders – but these 7 actions do
Editor's Note:This post was originally published in August 2014 and has been updated for freshness, accuracy, and completeness.
