At some point in life, many leaders will admit that the dreams and passions deep in their hearts crumble under the pressure to execute goals and tasks with just enough energy to get through Monday. And then, at some point, the innovative possibilities of “what if” die under the heavy weight of “what is”. Maybe you know the feeling. You've come to a place where your passion and purpose have given up a white flag to the pressure:the pressure to produce. Pressure to become and meet the expectations of others. The truth is, that's no way to live. Your life has a purpose far beyond what you currently understand and perceive. The distinct dreams and passions within you must make an impactful and positive difference to those in your sphere of influence, and that's why it's paramount that you don't let them be suppressed by stress.
According the American Institute of Stress , “80% of workers experience stress at work, almost half say they need help learning how to manage stress and 42% say their colleagues need such help.” Many assume that the complete elimination of stress is the intended goal of life and leadership. To put it plainly, this is extremely unrealistic. I have been in leadership for over 35 years and have learned that there is no life without stress – this reality does not worry me and should not alarm you either. Instead of running from stress, you need to learn how to manage it more effectively.
At the end of the day, if you're frustrated, feeling overworked and underappreciated, know this:you don't have a stress problem; you have a capacity problem.
Capacity:managing stress and distress
Everyone must develop their own abilities. Each of us starts with some degree of ability, and as we go through life, we must cultivate our ability to handle the challenges, pressures, and stresses that come our way. If we fail to increase our capacities, we end up in distress, anxiety and life can become daunting. As I wrote earlier, a stress-free life does not exist. However, there is a big difference between stress and distress. For many, trouble comes to the doorstep of their hearts when mismanaged stress turns into distress :an overwhelming and constant state of anxiety and various measures of depression. I want to be clear:stress is part of normal life, not distress.
Many people, motivated to avoid stress at all costs instead of managing stress in a healthy way, choose to withdraw and completely avoid the causes of stress. However, the price of the total removal of stress is paid by personal growth retardation. To orient yourself towards your life's potential, choose to expand your abilities and better manage stress so that it is an enabler for your dreams and goals, not an obstacle.
So what are some of the sources of stress in your life? Personal issues related to your upbringing and family background can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional health. Of course, there are also times when unexpected and unprovoked challenges or crises are thrown at you. Most of the time, however, the root cause of your stress is not a singular issue but a combination of factors, often a series of uncontrollable external factors. If you are paralyzed by stress, let me encourage you to raise your vantage point higher to see that it doesn't have to harm or reduce your abilities, it can in fact make you grow as a leader and person as you get better at managing it, allowing workplace stress for you rather than against you.
Related: How stress can guide your path to success
Ability:learn to take care of yourself so you can take care of others
As a leader, many people depend on you, both on the practical and emotional level. In today's society, a generally ignored principle is that you cannot give someone something that you yourself do not have, such as sanity of soul, emotional stability, and peace of mind. The first step to increasing your abilities in this regard is to recognize that if you do not regularly monitor your internal drive and soul health, you will find yourself in a precarious position of having a goal in sight but no energy, creativity, motivation or discipline to achieve it. My friend, have no illusions:you are not invincible and inexhaustible. Everyone's ability may be different, but no one's ability is a bottomless reservoir.
Therefore, if you want to increase your ability, you must successfully balance your responses to the highs and lows of the life as they occur. In practice, are you well rested? Are you taking care of your mental and emotional health? Are you taking deliberate steps to schedule hobbies so that your creativity and work ethic can be replenished? Ask yourself, How consistent am I? Should I swing from jubilant highs to deep lows in my emotional state? How are my relationships? How is the health of my thought life? If you have extreme fluctuations in the way you behave and react, you will not be able to develop the emotional capacity to keep going through challenges or adversities when they arise. Take care of your soul. Build balanced, consistent habits that nurture your spiritual, physical, and mental health. Living with emotional balance will bring stability to your life, your behavior and those you lead.
Ability:to deal with unresolved disappointments and straying from expectations
Setbacks, disappointments, unmet expectations and even moments of personal crisis are unfortunately part of living in an imperfect world. Deliberately avoiding pain and discomfort at all costs reduces your emotional, mental and spiritual stability by disabling your ability to develop the skills needed to cope with everyday life.
For most of us, experiences difficult, even disastrous lives reinforce the priority of grabbing hold of what remains of our fragmented reality and not letting go (at all costs) for fear of further loss and unpredictability. This is self-protection at its best. You see, the distance between waiting and reality is actually a disappointment; and the degree to which your expectations will not match reality will be the degree of disappointment you will feel. Let's make it personal. Maybe you thought you would already be married, working for yourself, or debt-free. Whatever the unmet expectation, disappointment invariably ensues, and unresolved disappointment will sabotage your future and unrealized potential. While no one dares to invalidate the very real pain of the loss you've suffered, your ability doesn't grow through victories alone – you need setbacks to develop your character and your ability to persevere.
J learned that sometimes you have to take a step back to go far. Setbacks cause a sense of loss, but when you understand that setbacks provide the opportunity to grow, not only does your perspective change, but a door of opportunity opens for your ability to grow. Capacity is increased not in the problem, but in the overcoming.
Capacity:learning to say "yes" to what matters most
The occupation, and the consequently rushed life that drags on, deprive you of living a diligent life – a life that will yield results. As your life progresses and your capacity increases, you cannot continue to add more to your plate unless there are other areas where you commit to doing less. You have to ask yourself, What do I want to accomplish? What should I continue and what should I stop? There will be times when you have to delegate tasks and goals that demand your attention while simultaneously distancing yourself from intended leadership, robbing you of time and energy. As a leader, you must learn to say no to certain things so that you can say yes to what matters most.
So how do you identify what to unload and what to keep? The following is a checklist to help you decide what to lighten your load on, freeing you up to increase your capacity and productivity:
What is your goal?
Is this task helping you achieve your goal?
Could someone else do it?
Is this essential to what you want to achieve?
Does it serve a real purpose?
How does it help the bigger picture, or is it something you do because "that's how we have always done it"?
Is it a distraction?
The key to answering these questions is your ability to create the headroom you need to say “yes” to the things that will yield high returns, and then delegate the rest. If your life is overflowing with distractions, burdens, and unnecessary tasks, let it be a clarion call to change your life and the lives of those you lead.
Ultimately, leadership is about longevity; if you want to develop your leadership, have a lasting impact and invest substance in your sphere of influence, you will have to learn to expand your capacities. Make the intentional effort to develop effective stress management, take care of yourself so you can care for others, overcome disappointments and setbacks, and learn to say “yes” to what matters most. I know your best days are yet to come.
