As a brand strategist, author, and speaker, I rely on my voice and my ability to tell stories to make a living. I have noticed that my interpersonal communication style is less individual and more diffuse in nature. I walk into a room full of people, position myself directly in the center and hold court. At a leadership conference that included 10-hour training days and intense strategy sessions for 1,500 leaders and employees of a global organization, I lost my voice…and at the same time, I lost it. found. Along the way, I learned how developing deep emotional connections with individuals and practicing the art of follow-up can help my growth as a leader.
About two days into the conference, I conceded defeat to a case of laryngitis that rendered me speechless. Unable to speak above a whisper, I carried a handwritten sign detailing my name, role, and hometown. Without my voice, I could no longer rely on my trademark outgoing friendliness and ability to carry a conversation between strangers. I couldn't raise my hand to ask questions that made me look smart to the rest of the room. I couldn't make insightful observations that position me as an expert in my field. Instead of being the center of attention, I was a member of the public, skirting the fringes of chat groups. Instead of a speaker, I was a listener. Instead of a leader, I was a follower.
Related: Why Successful Leaders Must Learn Humility
Throughout my career, managers have recognized me for my direct, blunt communication style and tough-but-fair approach to management, which are hallmarks of what the Chinese call out the masculine “yang” side of my energy. However, abundance, emotional closeness, and nurturing come from our feminine “yin” side. Although I appreciate these qualities in my personal life, I never knew the potential they could have for me in business.
I learned that a lot of my leadership style is based on being a hero and feeding my own ego. And that came at the expense of really interesting relationships and ideas.
During my involuntary silent retreat, I came face to face with some fascinating people I may never have had a conversation with. I whispered in people's ears, luring them into my personal space so I could get my points across. Although I could hear them well, my new acquaintances reciprocated by leaning in and whispering in my ear, instantly forming intimate bonds. Through these one-on-one conversations, I discovered the joys, fears, and vulnerabilities of other CEOs. I listened intently to their observations of the frenetic conference activity going on around us. We talked about global politics, employees, taxes, our kids and our relationships. We have formed bonds that normally take businessmen years to develop. I listened, I learned and I was inspired.
For about four days, I exercised a type of leadership that I will call “follower”. The business world has validated my compulsion to speak up and take responsibility for strategies and tasks that I ignorantly thought everyone else was incapable of. Due to my relentless desire to assert my authority over everything, I missed the fact that there are others who are able and willing to own and do things. Most of them are smarter and better than me.
In my life as an extrovert with a loud, confident voice and a healthy ego, I've done most of the talking, closing conversation threads and ideas from others. I learned that a lot of my leadership style is based on being a hero and feeding my own ego. And that came at the expense of some really interesting relationships and ideas.
Related: How to stop your ego from getting the best out of you
I had two big realizations from my voice loss.
1. My assumption that the leadership state is a solitary existence is largely incorrect.
It really isn't necessary. Any loneliness I felt as a leader was self-inflicted. The “detention court” style of communication has prevented me from developing vital and meaningful relationships with other humans (employees, colleagues, clients, mentors, friends) who have the power to inspire and nurture me. in a way I never thought possible.
2. No one can (or should) lead all the time.
Follow-up is the other side of leadership. Follow through is the ability to take direction, enthusiastically support a program, be part of a team, and keep promises. The concept of a follower doesn't get a lot of airplay because being a follower isn't fun or sexy. They don't really teach it in business school, and it's certainly not a key to lasting business success. But tracking offers great rewards. Sitting down and letting others share their ideas, strategies, and accountability for execution allows creativity to flourish and allows others to grow as leaders themselves.
I have since returned to my day job and regained my speaking voice. I consciously let others hold on, even though it can be very difficult for me. I let others speak and I listen actively and attentively. I detach individuals to connect more individually with them so that I can truly understand what drives them and scares them. Perhaps most importantly, I let others take the lead, putting my voice and ego in check, and seeing a big positive impact in my business.
Related: 9 personality traits of ideal followers
