I don't usually spend a lot of time in the kitchen – play to your strengths, remember? But I always thought cooking was a bit magical. Each ingredient, distinct in itself, mixes with the others to create something new. Spices add richness, depth of butter, complexity of salt. Start peeling off the ingredients and your dish will get softer until you have something like pureed squash. Yuck!
We are no different, are we? Of course, we are born with certain traits and characteristics, but from the moment we enter this world, other people pour us ingredients. Our parents provide our base – flour and eggs – then everyone else we meet adds flavorings. Some are bitter, and we hope the aftertaste will come out of the final product. Some bring a touch of flavor, a simple pinch of pepper. Some help us turn a weeknight casserole into a Michelin-worthy meal.
As we celebrate another season of gratitude, I remember the people who have helped me build a life that is anything but. meat and potatoes. I want to reflect on these people, don't forget to show my gratitude to them, then imagine how I can become the resident chef, helping others get up so they don't end up like a flat soufflé.
Related: The 3 types of people you need in your life
A few years ago, I made my first gratitude list, naming those who bring out the best in me. They include:
My dad, who showed me how to live and lead.
My mom, who made me feel loved every day of my life and taught me how to pass that love on to others.
My wife, Margaret, who fills my life with joy.
Elmer Towns, Theologian, who sparked my dream of building a great church.
John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, who encouraged me to make every day my masterpiece.
My workplace team, who inspires me to keep achieving, transforming visions into reality and control me when I am out of control.
As we celebrate another season of gratitude, I remember the people who have helped me build a life that is anything but meat and potatoes.
I wrote for 30 minutes straight that day, filling in line after line. I could have written for three hours and not included everyone who has touched my life. This is why I add to it periodically – sometimes in writing but more often in simple reflection. It's my way of acknowledging the gifts people give me daily, from the ones that inspire my wildest dreams to the waiter who takes a minute to say a kind word with my cup of coffee.
This time of reflection allows me to see that gratitude is the antidote to the three deadly diseases that can ruin a leader:pride, isolation and selfishness. When your name brings credit to a company, it's easy to develop an inflated sense of self-importance. How quickly we forget the many hands that contribute to our success. Such arrogance alienates us from people. The resulting isolation blinds us to the needs of others. From such a cauldron, selfishness seeps in and ultimately affects every decision we make. Gratitude counteracts these tendencies. When we thank people, we remind ourselves of our dependence on them and inspire us to meet their needs instead of insisting that they meet ours.
Related: 4 Science-Backed Reasons Gratitude Brings You Happiness
“‘Thank you’ is the best prayer you can say,” says author Alice Walker. “I say it often. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.
If you're not used to showing appreciation, now's a great time to start. I'm not talking about buying expensive gifts or throwing lavish parties. I am talking about recognizing the contribution of a staff member. Or thanking your father for the countless Saturday afternoons sacrificed to Little League, even when it's years after the fact. Or praise your spouse for cooking dinner, folding the laundry, or tackling the kids' algebra homework.
"The people who matter," said publisher Malcolm Forbes, "are aware that everyone also done. ”
But the greatest manifestation of gratitude comes from encouraging the development of others. It is my greatest passion. Some of you might do this automatically. It's a good start. Now consider doing it more intentionally, considering more and better ways to inspire. Here are some options to consider:
Listen to other people's stories. Know their families, interests, hopes and dreams. Shift the focus of your conversations to them.
Use your gifts for the benefit of others. Are you a powerful speaker? Coach an associate prior to their keynote presentation. A gifted writer? Help a young entrepreneur articulate his business plan.
Solicit ideas. People grow – in confidence and skills – when they are asked to contribute to a project.
Provide opportunities. You've been there, you've done that. It's time to pass the mantle to someone else.
I had an epiphany around my 40th birthday. I had already accomplished a lot by then, but I remember feeling strangely dissatisfied. It struck me:I had trained other leaders. I had taken them on my trip, but kept them in the background. They were preparatory cooks who had the potential to be chefs. I finally understood that life is not made by what you can accomplish. It is made by what you can accomplish with others. In my kitchen, I'm not sure there can be too many cooks.
Related: 6 Heartfelt Ways to Express Gratitude
This article originally appeared in the November 2017 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
