For nearly a decade, I felt like I was carrying the professional curse of Cassandra, a Trojan princess from Agamemnon . In Greek myth, she is a seer who can predict the future but is cursed to never believe it. (It doesn't end well.)
Here's why.
After college, I worked in luxury retail. I loved my job. It was fun and I was good at it. I was the #1 salesperson in the company, and I had a lot of great ideas to make things better. But despite my accomplishments, I couldn't ask anyone at head office — or sometimes even the store — to listen to me. I felt helpless.
So I left for a position at the head office of a major fashion brand. I would have a voice! I could facilitate the change! Except I soon learned that everywhere you go, the challenges of interpersonal navigation come one after another. My work was linked to the work of others – I could do my work to the best of my abilities, but the procrastination of others could still affect my performance.
I did my best to make it work. “If you give me your sample orders by next week, we won't rush the day of the buying meeting. Please respond with [date], so I can take appropriate action,” I would tell my bosses. Or:“Although this solution is a temporary solution, it ignores X, Y and Z and will cause [future problem]. »
In six months, however, I was exhausted.
Within three months of starting this position, I had set the bar high. In six months, however, I was exhausted. I could see everything, but like the lowest rung on the ladder, I usually couldn't do anything to stop it, no matter how hard I tried. Again, I felt helpless. My professional life has been a series of frustrations; I would bring a potential problem to the attention of my bosses, and they would blithely ignore it. Chaos would ensue and I was responsible for managing it.
"Don't borrow trouble," my boss would tell me when I pulled him aside. It was the worst answer he could have given me. I was frustrated. I cried. Little did I know this would be the best advice I'd ever get on dealing with conflict – and, more specifically, my reactions in the workplace.
Related: Best career advice, from people who made it to the top
This time I left my job and New York and came back to Chicago.
I took a job while working for my dad – and having a combined DadBoss was great, until suddenly it wasn't. I still had to come to terms with the fact that there were things about my workplace that I couldn't change, except now it also meant accepting that there were things I couldn't change about my job. neither did father.
Something had to give. I heard Tim's voice in my head:Don't borrow trouble.
Yes, 100 slides was too much for a presentation, but my dad was married to the idea. In the end, that was his call to make. I backed up. I gave in. I stopped trying to reinvent the wheel. If the sales department had better CRM tools, they would be more efficient and it would make my marketing job easier. It was always true. Nor was it in my power to realize it.
I realized that I was wasting hours doing work – emotional work – that no one had asked of me. I felt exhausted because I spent so much time tormenting myself about things that were out of my control. I had to let go. The answer, for me, was to put my head down and focus on the things in my control. I may not agree with the boss's decision, but it's not up to me to change.
When I gave up fixing everything, I learned that not all problems should be fixed.
At first, I felt like I was slacking off. Slowly I began to see that for years I had been running a dead sprint in a hamster wheel, and that was why I was going nowhere. When I gave up fixing everything, I learned that not all problems should be fixed. Different people are more sensitive to different things, so what bothered me might not bother those around me.
I might be more sensitive to redundancy, while others are more sensitive to clutter. I don't care if there are piles of paper on my desk (and on the floor). My colleagues don't care if they have to import a number more than once. By repeatedly trying to solve problems that didn't bother others (and therefore they weren't really motivated to change), the only person I hurt was myself (because I felt frustrated and helpless).
Related: 15 things you can do to be happier at work
That's why, no matter how good I was at work - and I wanted to always be the best - I got burned out and had to leave within 18 months. As I learned to let go, I was researching how to be good at a job and how to like this job for over a year and a half.
The truth is, the work day is long. We spend many of our waking hours in an office with people we might not choose as friends, if it were up to us. People like to complain. Sometimes it means there is a problem. Other times they're just bored or they just want to complain because it feels good. I learned that someone who complained about a stain wasn't the same as asking me to fix it.
I let my dad rework things I disagreed with, and when I was micromanaged, I let it be - OK, not everything the weather. When I stopped fighting 1,000 small battles a day, I had more energy to fight for the big things that really mattered.
In the end, it didn't work for me to keep working for my dad - man, it's a tough situation for both parties, but I will never forget what I earned while I was working there. I finally learned to let go, which made me happier. Now, I'm willing to give up a few fights and sacrifice the title of "best person we've ever had at this job" if it means I'll be less burnt out. After all, if I'm in it for the long haul, I might eventually get the chance to make all the changes I want to make.
Related: 10 career tips for myself 21 years old
