I have to learn to relax, because I don't know how to do this anymore. Since I became a mother, time has gone twice as fast. Blink my eyes and I am another week further. Recognizable?
We do our very best and try to enjoy kids, partner, healthy and varied food and a little exercise as consciously as possible. And in the evening with the laptop on the couch 'in peace' you arrange some things where you follow the news with an oblique eye and at the same time manage your home and work agenda. To also schedule time for your mother, sister and friend. Check! Can you 'let it go' again? But what about yourself now? You may also need to learn to relax again!
Two weeks ago I got a call from Olga. I didn't know Olga yet, but I was on the phone with her for more than 45 minutes. One click and recognition. For example, about forgetting yourself. She triggered me again to think about myself -and my metime- and I hope you do too!
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“How often do you consciously block time for yourself at such a moment? To take a nap? Can you still do that, by the way, really? (and don't secretly finish a to-do list in your head) Having a fun time like when you were young”?
Olga Nieuwenhuizen, vitality trainer/coach of Mama Vol Energie, says, “What strikes me about many mothers is that everything goes well, as long as things are well organized at work and at home. Of course I also recognize that as a mother of 2 daughters aged 5 and 8 years. Everything is tightly organised, then it will work, but then nothing should go wrong.”
“But when I ask mothers in my workshop; ‘Is parenting going as you imagined † Or 'What grade do you give your balance sheet † Then it rains insufficiently and sometimes tears.
“Because… where do you stay?
You will probably notice it yourself; if you take more rest and learn to relax again, you will feel better about yourself. You feel less agitated and you are more energetic at work. In addition, you enjoy more and are more proud of yourself; you can do mountains of work. You see possibilities faster and therefore also a chance for a glass of wine with a friend. That relaxes you, it gives you resilience and space! “
Why then do we women allow ourselves so little space for relaxation?
Olga; “I also recognize the eternal balancing. We want conscious parenting, happy kids, continue to develop in our work, take on fun challenges and do social things. Preferably anything for a ten in 24 hours a day. The bar is set high, so high that it will never be achieved. And so there is no 'deserved' relaxation, but often 'delayed' relaxation! When it's finished, I'll sit down for a while, but it's never finished…“ Learning to relax is essential, because you've just forgotten it!
“That's how it went for me for years until 2013. Lots of ambitions in a hectic life in which we consciously want to make time for each other and the kids. At the same time, I didn't have the time to keep everyone 'satisfied' all the time. And because of the lack of sleep (our youngest daughter hardly slept at night for four years now) I couldn't go as 'fast' in 2013 as before, even though I wanted to. What to do? How could I solve that? After trying almost everything, yes nothing was too crazy, I had to admit; I was not the mother I wanted to be. I juggled all the balls, at least two of which "broke" every day. Felt like a laborer.”
"I came to the conclusion; sometimes it is simply not possible; one step harder. And there is no solution, I had to deal with that. Learning to do nothing for a while and to prioritize well. In retrospect, this was my 'big lesson'. And from that peace and acceptance I learned to move mountains again! And that's how my mission was born † helping ambitious mothers with the right work-life balance, with time for themselves. So that they feel energetic and continue to enjoy themselves. Because I saw and see this struggle with many mothers, and more and more with fathers as well.”
“Personal effectiveness was the solution for me, because what works for me is personal, that does not apply to every woman! But everyone has their own talents, so use them. Take the time to experience what recharges you, what you need and what you are good at. It has everything to do with learning to relax. Through many sincere conversations with mothers, recognition, mindfulness and time management, I got a grip and my mission arose.”
“I developed the vitality workshop:'Vol Energie; at home and at work” for ambitious mothers. A practical workshop (or one-on-one coaching approach) full of awareness, recognition, practical exercises and background information about our brains and behaviour. With inspiration and space for each other's story in a group of up to 10 mothers, like-minded people. Participants create their own Vitality Plan for a personal work-life balance. All this around the pillars:relaxation, acceptance, prioritization and personal focus.“
Relaxation and good prioritization is the basis of a good work-life balance and an energetic mother. That starts with planning (priori) time for yourself, learning to relax. So recharge yourself, turn off that think button, banish the to-do list (yes… out of your head too). Allow yourself to do nothing and enjoy it. This way you make yourself as important as the rest of your family. And that pays off in an energetic and fun mother! Who can take a beating if things go wrong.
Fortunately, more and more large companies are investing in work-life balance and vitality, (and not just for seniors). Through coaching, workshops, flexible working hours, sports, health budgets. And rightly so, because nowadays one in 7 employees has burnout complaints, in which mothers are certainly at risk. Energetic mothers and fathers are better employees, nicer parents, know what they are good at, set their limits more easily and are more proactive! They listen carefully to their body and passion and take good care of themselves, so that there is less loss. How beautiful is that!
In short; my openness and search for answers has brought me a lot. I am now energetic in my whole life; at home and at work, busy with my mission; Vitality; keep me and other mothers feeling energized in all the hectic of working life. Ensuring that they learn to relax again so that they can enjoy parenthood and a valuable life. And that starts with making time for yourself and staying close to your passion and qualities. Do you allow yourself that too?
If I really want to relax, I go to blooming hotel in Bergen (NH). This is how the idea arose to organize an inspiration weekend for mothers in this inspiring environment, where all senses are sharpened, twice (8-9 April and 24-25 June), in addition to my ongoing workshops and coaching sessions.
The beautiful dune area and this inspiring hotel provide constant inspiration and tranquility. You relax, become aware and get to work with your personal balance in a group of a maximum of 10 mothers. Fancy?
Do you also recognize that you have trouble blocking time for yourself and genuinely relaxing? I hope Olga was able to make you a little more aware of the importance of this! Do you have any tips? Feel free to share them with us, please even!
Image used via Shutterstock
