How to gain self-confidence?

You have the feeling of not being up to your professional missions? Stop! It's time to boost your self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. Like a muscle, it develops using small, simple exercises.

Lack of self-confidence:pay attention to the signs

This loss of self-esteem most often appears following a failure, a long professional absence (sick leave, pregnancy), a loss of job or a long period of unemployment, etc. If it starts simply with doubts about your abilities, it can become more problematic when the doubts give way to a real lack of self-confidence. It is therefore important to react quickly so as not to let the situation settle and impact your personal and professional life.

A few signs should alert you:

You feel guilty about almost everything and constantly ask for forgiveness from those around you, including things for which you are not responsible.
You fail to say no and have your opinion respected.
You have difficulty communicating and may even suffer from social phobia.
You may blush intensely and be sweaty when speaking.
You feel stressed and anxious.
You constantly doubt your skills, even when complimented. This is called impostor syndrome. You systematically think that you do not deserve this position, that you do not have the material and the skills. More so, you tend to turn down missions just because you don't think you can. Know that if a superior recommends you for a position or a project, it is because he believes that you are, on the contrary, the best for this mission.
You fail to take on new projects and let others do it for you. You may even be in professional difficulty.
Lack of self-confidence can also be accompanied by addictions such as video games, alcohol, etc.

What causes a loss of self-esteem?

Lack of self-confidence varies greatly from person to person. It develops according to their personal background, but also their age and personality. Still, causes are usually the trigger:

Education may be responsible for this. A child who develops in a traumatic environment or who is simply not valued, risks integrating the lack of self-confidence as a determining marker of his personality.
Trauma can also cause this phenomenon.
The pressure experienced in both professional and personal life is also a cause of this loss of self-confidence. Faced with the performance displayed by others (in life, but also on social networks), it is sometimes difficult to feel up to it. The risk of losing self-confidence is then very great.
It is also possible that weight gain is a cause. With society giving more credit to a slim body, it is not uncommon for an overweight person to lose confidence in themselves and their abilities.
Youth is also a factor, especially in the workplace. We may then not feel up to it. A thought that can really do damage and accentuate a drop in self-esteem for many people.
The same is true for seniors in the workplace. Little valued, even discredited, they can quickly lose confidence in themselves.

Our practical advice for regaining self-confidence

If you feel that your morale is weakening or that your psychological form is not at the top, some simple exercises carried out daily can help you.

Take time to breathe

Breathing is a welcome help to regain control and give you a few minutes to refocus, listen to yourself and take a step back. Choose a time when you can enjoy peace and take the time to focus on your breathing. Once your stress has been evacuated, think about the situation and try to play it down and/or find a favorable outcome.

Change your vocabulary

With a drop in self-esteem comes a negative vocabulary and a tendency to continually apologize. On the contrary, adopt more positive turns of phrase. For example, replace "I'm sorry, but..." with "I think on the contrary that...". Also force yourself to repeat to yourself that you are valuable. In a nutshell, stay positive in any situation.

Stop comparing yourself

Your skills, your qualities are real and just as appreciated as those of your colleagues or loved ones. It is therefore useless to compare yourself to others and devalue yourself. You do not work exactly like your colleagues and that is precisely what you must highlight. To help you become aware of your value, list your qualities, for example:you are undoubtedly welcoming, warm, kind, courageous, creative, observant, trustworthy, etc. By pinpointing your many strengths, it will then be easier for you to keep them in mind when speaking or working on a new project.

Take stock of your skills

Need reassurance at work? Take the time to take stock of your skills, precisely. You will see that they are numerous and that they make your strength and your difference. Don't be afraid to ask to check in with your co-workers, manager or coach and honestly ask them the question:"how did you find me during the presentation", "do you think I could improve and if so, how? ". Accept criticism, it will help you progress. Also, learn to accept compliments and don't lower your head by simply saying thank you. Congratulate yourself on each compliment received.

Make a daily review of your day

Take an interest in the positive things you did during the day and/or the little moments that made you feel good. It can be goals achieved or just a good time shared with a colleague or friend. By taking a positive look at your actions, your self-esteem can only grow. Also think long term by projecting yourself over several years with one or more projects (personal or professional). This will make it easier for you to take action and not fall into a routine that maintains your lack of self-confidence.

Set achievable goals

No need to force yourself to a hellish pace. On the contrary, choose achievable goals, in order to have the pleasure of keeping them (succeeding in completing a file or doing your 10 km bike ride, for example). You can do this by dividing your to-do list over several days and breaking your tasks down into small goals. Scratching them one by one, you will feel the pleasure of the work done. Also gradually get out of your comfort zone by challenging yourself (to speak at a meeting for example or by proposing a family outing that you did not dare to do until now). The first few times will be difficult, but gradually this discomfort will become more regular and therefore easier to manage. This will ultimately prove to you that you are capable of it and this will boost your self-confidence.

Connect with others

It is by exchanging with your loved ones, but also with your colleagues that you will really regain confidence in yourself. Want to ask someone something? Don't think too much. As the stress increases, you will put barriers on yourself. Set yourself two minutes to get started. This limit will push you to surpass yourself. Over time, you will reduce your action time. These different ways of speaking will help you regain your self-confidence and open up more easily to others. It's a virtuous circle. The lack of action and risk-taking is also one of the aggravating factors of the loss of self-esteem. The less you will act, the more you will be afraid to start. It is imperative that you force yourself to take action and fully commit to a project.

Work on what bothers you the most

Do you have issues with your character or personality? Work on these by eliminating them one by one, in order to then regain confidence in yourself, once the blackheads have been eliminated. If you find yourself too complaining, for example, force yourself not to complain for a week, then 15 days and so on...

Self-confidence:our reading and podcast recommendations

Books and podcasts dealing with the subject are legion and will bring you many answers. They will also give you some tips on how to work on this lack of self-confidence.

Podcast

"Pilot your life" which brings keys to overcome your fears and dare.
"Being You" deals directly with self-confidence through many themes around professional success. You can, for example, find advice to "have clear ideas", "reconcile personal life and professional life" or "how to overcome your doubts to move forward".
The France Inter podcast, "How to boost your self-confidence" is also interesting for working on this aspect of your personality. It helps to understand the mechanisms of lack of self-confidence and therefore, to fight it.

Books

Charles Pépin's method, entitled "Self-confidence, a philosophy" can accompany you. In this book, you will discover concrete examples of a loss of self-confidence through portraits of stars and reference works in philosophy. A way to better understand this phenomenon and to obtain keys to counter it.
"Trust yourself", by Isabelle Filliozat, is also a reference. This book helps to understand the mechanisms of the loss of self-confidence thanks to the author's clinical studies and studies carried out in the laboratory of experimental psychology. You will also be able to more easily decipher your different reactions and get advice on how to be more comfortable and gain confidence.

Lack of self-confidence can have repercussions on your personal and professional life. Don't wait to talk about it to your loved ones, but also to psychological assistance as soon as you notice the first symptoms.

Source:

https://www.allodocteurs.fr/actualite-sante-quelles-sont-les-causes-du-lack-de-confiance-en-soi-_14820.html

https://www.therapeutes.com/affections/complexes/confiance-en-soi

https://psy-92.net/2019/11/06/le-lack-de-confiance-en-soi-les-causes-les-consequences-et-les-solutions/

https://www.prendreconfiance.com/pourquoi-retrouver-confiance-en-soi/