Everyone finds success differently, whether it's tightening the bootstraps a bit or knowing the right people at the right time. In my case, I only found success after doing something I usually dread:networking. But after moving to a new town – where I didn't know anyone, and no one knew me – I didn't really have a choice. If I wanted to go somewhere, connecting with people was key.
Over time, fear turned into desire, and I not only began to benefit from networking, but I started enjoying it. So I started helping others connect within the community too, by attending luncheons and speaking at networking events. And now, eight years later, I've found a full-time career that I love, one that I've started from scratch. But that didn't happen overnight. It took proactivity and a willingness to connect. It meant getting out of my comfort zone, facing my fear, and putting myself out there.
Related: The Perfect Recipe for Networking
Often we get stuck in analysis paralysis, believing we're "too young for this" and "there aren't enough opportunities for this" at the instead of just starting where we are. Put that thought aside and use the following tips that will help you build connections today for success tomorrow:
1. Be curious. You'll find all types of people that way.
I think people struggle to reach their true potential because they're quick to make comparisons – and comparison is the thief of joy, after all. When you shift your mindset and approach new opportunities or challenges from a state of curiosity, you open doors you didn't know existed (and meet people you never dreamed of meeting). Stay curious and open-minded, let go of the need to compare old opportunities with new and find new worlds.
My motto? Channel the curious child within you and your creative dreams will come true. Growing up, I tried just about everything — from band and choir to basketball and theater — because I needed to learn more about everything life had to offer. It increased my energy, fueled my creativity, and had lasting effects on my emotional well-being. Above all, curiosity put me in environments among people I probably never would have crossed paths with; I even made a few lifelong friends.
So even today, I play. I regularly channel my inner curious child by trying a new thing every month:rock climbing, skydiving, simulated flight lessons. You name it, I'll test it. And by trying new things, I inevitably create new connections. If you do the same, know this:a handful of these connections will actually serve as influencers who will undoubtedly nudge you in the right (and most successful) direction.
2. Be coachable.
Being coached is not easy; I get it. It can sound a lot like criticism, and criticism can be cold, especially when it comes from someone you don't know. But when you're coachable, it can be the very thing that leads you to your next opportunity. You don't always have to agree, but if you're just open to learning, coachability will take you a long way. In my experience, coachability will help build bridges and connections much faster than anything else.
I learned to be coachable in my time as an eighth grade science teacher. If it has to be said, the eighth graders have no filter and everything is fine. Your teaching methods, your clothes, the booger in your nose during allergy season – all of it. After two years of daily feedback (or criticism, even if you prefer to take a look), I had to choose between being unsure of my feedback or finding out how it made me coachable. By pursuing coachability opportunities like teaching, I have met some amazing people who are now mentors and mentees and are constantly helping me grow.
Coachability comes with practice. Plus, it involves getting to the root of your fears:Are you afraid of being wrong? To lose control? For me, it was the fear of vulnerability, so I made it a point to let my guard down as a teacher. For example, in class, I would share anecdotes about myself that made me vulnerable, thus leaving me open to feedback (warranted or not), but also helping me to buckle down and shape the person I wanted to be.
3. Get ready to connect.
Fact:Nobody likes to network, and I mean nobody . More often than not it is because it seems purely transactional and even superficial. Even if you're the most bubbly person in the room, networking can still be tricky to navigate. But to be successful, I strongly encourage embracing the will to connect. Try to suspend your ideas about a person and their motivations. Be ready to talk and make new connections without those preconceptions floating around.
When I moved to a new city, I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone, choosing to meet 100 people in 100 days. Here are some ways I've had success (and inevitably found professional and personal success) that you can also use:
First of all, I had regular one-on-one meetings. I've met people in person, whether it's grabbing a coffee, having lunch at a new deli in town, or dining in an old neighborhood that's been waiting. To this day, I do it almost every week. I start with those I know (professionally or personally) and then ask them to recommend other people. And just like that, my relationships grow exponentially.
Second, I started volunteering. It's one of the fastest and most rewarding ways to meet new people, many of whom are highly influential. Join a committee, serve as a camp counselor, participate in nonprofit clubs, volunteer at local churches, or host a charity event. The volunteer opportunities are endless and so is the list of connections you will make along the way.
Eventually I became a mentor, but I always wanted to be the mentee too. The term “mentor” has become synonymous with “time commitment” – which sometimes puts people off. But mentoring can be whatever both parties decide it should be. It might be a quick cup of coffee here or a half-hour phone call there; it can be a weekly, monthly or even quarterly record. The knowledge a mentor can provide to their mentee – and vice versa – is limitless (as are the benefits). Build a mentor-mentee relationship that works for you, time and otherwise.
Perhaps selfishly, our motivation to network may come solely from the desire to succeed. But remember:others out there are also going after, so help them find connections. Be the person who introduces Evelyn to Jaime because you know an amazing partnership can thrive. It benefits you too – they will remember you for it, and a relationship with them will also blossom.
Related: The most important part of success is connection
