I was in college and six months pregnant with my first son when my younger brother died of cancer. He was 18 and barely out of high school, and losing him threw us into a cycle of grief. It wasn't the first time I had to deal with a catastrophic life event, but it was the first time I had so much personal responsibility and health to take care of.
My teachers understood and gave me time to cry, but after a while the job had to be done. I was taught a lot about grace and not taking advantage of the compassion given to me, as well as the need to focus on the people around me. Yet that moment would not be my only catalyst for deeper introspection.
In 2012, at age 28 and recovering from back surgery, I was severely overweight. I realized that I would continue to suffer major consequences from my unhealthy lifestyle, so I made a resolution:I would put myself first. I started working out with my husband, crushing my goals in the gym by staying consistent and taking risks, and losing over 50 pounds in the process. As a result, I became more focused, calm, and confident.
These two transformative experiences had a major impact on my performance as president of my company. Somehow, through the catastrophic life event of losing a beloved brother and forcing myself out of a cycle of bad eating, I came out stronger on the other end. . Although I can't say I will ever achieve the grace or compassion I strive to exhibit, I have used these intensely personal and powerful events to build a new method for engaging others in the workplace. .
Turning lemons into lemonade, one seed at a time.
When life throws your way, the choice is yours. You can crawl into a shell, or you can stick your head out and take risks. For me, the mantra “Nothing changes if nothing changes” has become a guiding philosophy. If I'm not willing to step out of my comfort zone, I won't be able to reach my full potential. From running 5k to addressing large crowds, my abilities are as limited as my mindset.
I knew it when I had the chance to take a career leap and join a startup as a young professional a few years after the birth of my first son. Armed only with a background in baking and customer service, I plunged into what could have been an uncomfortable chapter of my life. Deep down I remembered my brother, who would never have my opportunities. Who was I then to hold back when even tenuous paths presented themselves?
Becoming a leader in a startup turned out to be one of the smartest decisions I had ever made. But without a background laden with emotional and physical obstacles, I never would have had the confidence and motivation to explore this new workplace and industry.
It doesn't matter if you've had similar struggles in life, you can also benefit from making choices by improving yourself as a professional. Here are three steps that stand out for anyone who wants to take control of their future.
1. Ask for peer feedback and accept it graciously.
Your peers are watching you and evaluating your performance, but you'll never know what's on their hearts or minds if you don't ask. It's not about making them tell dark secrets or putting them in awkward positions. Rather, it is about gathering information about how others perceive you. You can then analyze that feedback and set goals accordingly, allowing others to help you as you develop a plan for progress.
As for questions to ask to ensure you get honest answers, choose your words with care and meaning, but be simple and unambiguous. Some of my favorite questions include:
What can I do to better support our team's mission?
Who should I work more closely with?
What parts of my leadership or professional style are most relevant to you?
If you were in my shoes for a day, what would you change?
Be sure to solicit feedback often, but keep it on a predictable schedule. For example, I conduct monthly face-to-face interviews and document everything discussed in GoCo for reference for both parties.
2. Pay attention to what is happening around you.
So many times we forget that what is happening around us offers huge clues to what tomorrow will bring. For example, if you are a leader, what happens in your office when you are not there? Are people moving forward with their tasks or holding back until you return? If you are an employee, do your team members understand how to navigate your role? Could they solve a particular problem at your work if it arose when you were gone? Being an observer and a good listener helps you process what is happening without your influence so you can analyze this information from a new perspective to make better decisions.
Keep assumptions at bay, seek facts when you talk to and listen to others, and be open to other ideas and ways to solve problems. These are opportunities for personal and professional growth, as long as you understand how to take a break. Although there is no single rule for how long your pauses are – they can be milliseconds or several seconds – your determination is based on varying speaking styles, the nature of your message, with whom you speak and your own personality. By focusing more on cues from your environment, you'll know if you've absorbed the message you've received and if others are waiting for your response.
Also remember that leaders aren't the only ones to have good ideas. Everyone in a company has a lot to say, but often they don't voice their opinions uninvited. I like, for example, to conduct exit interviews and follow-ups with former employees to foster a culture of honesty, and I encourage my employees to pitch their ideas even if I don't prompt them. Because without knowing our own blind spots, how can we be a real asset?
3. Take the time to take care of yourself.
Every day, I take the time to promote a healthy balance in life. I have a 90-minute window in the morning before my colleagues arrive when I reflect on what I accomplished the night before. From there, I think about what needs to be done that day to have an impact. In addition to that 90-minute brainstorm at the office, I practice three times a week before everyone in my house gets up. This way I have the chance to focus on the positivity, not the negativity that inevitably seems to creep into the workplace.
I hope that as a leader I encourage all members of my sphere of influence to take the time to take care of themselves. If you don't regularly reflect, focus, and engage, you'll never have the mental capacity to reflect on important issues or the happiness required for solid productivity. So find what you need and chase it hard. Whether it's uplifting podcasts (which I love), working out, spending time with family and friends, or finding inspiration by sitting quietly and meditating for 15 minutes before bed, you owe it to yourself and those you work with to make you your best.
Move closer to your professional goals by developing a complete quiver.
What arrows are in your quiver? As professionals, we must maximize our productivity while bringing value to our teams and reinforcing our value for the company. As leaders, we must ensure that we bring together a range of tools to fight against the loss of confidence, strengthen the attitudes of our teams and promote motivation. For these purposes, Peak App is a great resource. I use it to sharpen my brain while tackling the daily cognitive challenges it offers. Both fun and challenging, these games also increase my creativity and curiosity.
The bottom line is that we are each a composite of both amazing and tragic experiences. But it's not enough for you to acknowledge the past; you also deserve to get out there and float a little higher tomorrow.
Related: 5 Exemplary Leadership Practices
