As a leader, it can sometimes seem like we are trying to navigate an ever-changing environment of circumstances and landscapes. It can be disorienting and confusing.
Navigating new terrain often requires new tactics. But trying new approaches when it comes to leading people is risky. What if we're wrong? As a result, we tend not to follow what we have always done. We are returning to the old rules of leadership that we observed or were programmed with long ago.
“Rules are usually made to be broken and are too often for the lazy to hide behind. —General Douglas MacArthur
In my work with clients, I witness the difficult results of outdated leadership rules in an effort to understand and improve their employee engagement. Often with good intentions, these leaders sabotage their own efforts.
Related: 5 Things Successful Leaders Don't Say
To help you avoid falling prey to those same mistakes, here are three leadership rules that are meant to be broken:
1. Fake it until you do.
I don't know who I first heard it said, but I've said it dozens of times since. Early in my career as a copier salesman, that kind of work. It meant acting like I knew what I was doing and showing confidence even when I was scared and unsure. When learning how to do door-to-door cold calling, this advice is invaluable. If I could fake it long enough, I could just sell a copier and start building real confidence.
But what's good for early career sales is toxic for leadership. Employees today have lived much (if not all) of their lives in a world tinged with twists and scandals. To survive, we've all learned to spot a fake from a mile away.
For this reason, trying to fake as a leader is deadly. When you are unstable or uncertain, it is much better to acknowledge it than to try to pretend. Showing vulnerability and a willingness to ask for help when you need it is a sign of strength that will create loyalty.
Honestly, you don't really have a choice, because even if you think everyone is fooled, you don't have one. The people you lead are onto you, even if they don't tell you. Be authentic. Be vulnerable. There is no fake.
2. Recognize only the best artists.
Growing up, I loved playing basketball. I have spent countless hours playing and practicing. I was determined to play and I played hard. There was only one problem:I was not very good.
In the summer, I attended basketball camps. At the end of each camp, the coaches presented prizes. I was never the best scorer or the best rebounder. My stats never added up to much. Despite this, I twice received the “hustle” trophy. To this day, I'm more proud of those awards than any sales awards I won early in my sales career. They represented that despite my limited abilities, I had surpassed everyone else on the floor with me. And my coaches appreciated my efforts.
It has been widely held management dogma for decades that the best way to fuel performance is to visibly recognize and reward top performers, the idea being that others will be pushed to become so. The problem, of course, is that the success of your organization rests on the effort of far more average performers.
Many of those average performers could be like me as a young basketball player – working very hard, but simply unable or willing to produce exceptional results. They deserve to feel valued. If you recognize only the best artists without acknowledging the hustle and bustle, you lose loyalty and engagement every day.
3. Never be friends with the people you supervise (and I'm not talking about Facebook).
I can't confirm this, but I think this rule probably originated in the golden age of right sizing and downsizing. The thought probably went something like, I probably shouldn't get too attached to these people as a manager, because chances are I'm going to have to do something horrible to them along the way . Maybe it made sense in a twisted way back when the psychological contract of long-term employment was torn and burned.
That's a terrible rule to follow today. Employee engagement is the emotional and mental connection an individual feels with their work. And one of the keys to driving that connection is the relationship an employee has with their direct manager.
Friendship is defined as “a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people.” Our research shows that when employees care about their managers, they are much more likely to be engaged. I'm not saying there shouldn't be boundaries in the manager-employee relationship, but if you treat your employees more like you treat your friends, you'll be happy with the results.
These are just a few -one of the rules of leadership that should be broken. There are many more. When you get to one of those points where you don't know what to do next to lead your people into new ground, ask them. If they believe you are ready to listen, they will help you find the way.
Related: 10 habits of ultra-likeable leaders
