When Simon Sinek speaks, he is quite convincing. It's not just that it looks and sounds so smart. Although his spiky hair and thick-rimmed glasses somehow make him look like a cartoon avatar for a modern brain, and his ever-so-light British swagger gives him an extra air of sophistication. It's that he's always careful with his words and thoughtful about how he presents them. Whether he's talking about the chemicals in your brain or what he learned from his barista or how General Electric CEO Jack Welch plagued modern society, Sinek's arguments are lit. by scientific research and his voice has all the flair of a trained Juilliard-thespian.
Last winter, a video of Sinek talking about millennials went viral, racking up tens of millions of views on Facebook and YouTube within days. It was shared by older generations and millennials themselves. In an age of endless distractions, having millions of people stand still and watch someone speak for 15 minutes is no small feat. (Some versions of the clip are even longer.) But Sinek deploys the perfect blend of humor, compassion, and resonant truth.
Related: Simon Sinek on the Millennium Question
At 43, he is one of the country's most sought-after leadership consultants. His 2009 TED Talk is the third most popular of all time. He's written three bestselling books — another book coming out soon — and he's worked with everyone from the military to major international conglomerates to members of Congress. Only recently, however, has he turned his attention to what he calls the millennial question.
That's what he addresses in this viral video. The clip begins with Sinek listing a lot of stereotypical complaints about the generation born in the early 1980s and after:"They're accused of being entitled and being narcissistic and selfish and unfocused and lazy," says- it has an audience mostly young people who alternate between sneers and stares, transfixed. “But the right is the big one. He explains that millennials were subjected to "failed parenting strategies." They were presented with participation trophies – “a medal for their last place” – and constantly told they were special.
He posits that this has left millions of young people ill-equipped to deal with the brutal realities of the world of work. And as a result, this generation turned to social media for diabolical escapism — the way an alcoholic turns to the bottle, Sinek says — and it led to more people struggling with their personal relationships and professional fulfillment. .
As he explains in the video, the audience nods. It all makes so much sense.
But now he's sitting on a couch in the living room of a luxury hotel suite, next to a window overlooking downtown Dallas. He's in town talking about leadership to thousands of American Airlines managers, but right now he and I are talking about the evaluations he gave in this video.
ROBERT ASCROFT; BACKGROUND:STOCK PHOTO PESHKOV/123RF
I mention that I was born in the early 80s. I have often been told that I am special. And I had at least a few participation trophies when I was a kid. I tell him that I've always been able to tell them apart from the bigger trophies I've gotten on other occasions, when I've actually won something. (Or, more likely, got second or third.) I tell him I think it's one of those things where the generation gets a bad rap and millennials are all different – which I concede even when the words leave my mouth a very millennial thing to say.
"There are things that happen in the formative years of our lives that affect the way we see the world."
Sinek, amused by the irony, lets out a high-pitched sneer. “Of course, people are all different,” he says. “However, there are things that happen in the formative years of our lives that affect how we view the world. You can say that of every generation. So if you grew up during the Great Depression and World War II, you're probably a bit miserly. You grew up on rations. If you're a baby boomer, your formative years were during the Vietnam War and Richard Nixon. Of course, you are cynical towards power.
He says there are certain patterns that are “absolutely legitimate and fair across a generation because a generation came of age when certain things were happening in the world.” With millennials, he says, the world has been changed by technology. “Access and connectivity did not exist before. And it absolutely affected the way a generation sees the world. Every child? Of course not. But if we couldn't make generalizations, we wouldn't have fields like psychology or sociology. Of course, you can make generalizations about human behavior. Is it absolute? Of course not. ”
Within minutes, I forget everything I was trying to do so trophies wouldn't ruin the kids, and now I'm reassessing not just my generation, but my own life and the way I make friends. relationships.
Like I said, he's very compelling.
***
Before he comes out, half a dozen people are warming up the crowd by firing cannons at tee-shirts. Hundreds of middle managers from the world's largest airline raise their hands in the air to reach for the flying shirts. Then Sinek steps out in a sleek gray jacket, designer blue jeans and skater shoes, with a wired headset on his right ear. It forgoes introductions and instead begins with a story.
We are in a huge hotel ballroom, with rows and rows of tables and cups and lanyards, and a stage at the front of the room painted with the logo of American Airlines. In the lobby, welcoming attendees, is a mock-up of a new Boeing 777. Sinek says the company brought it in to help change corporate culture. Ahead of him is a room full of airline employees supervising other airline employees, but Sinek's story, similar to a TED Talk he gave in 2014, tells something that is passed through Afghanistan in 2009.
A column of American and Afghan troops was crossing a valley when it was ambushed. Army Captain William Swenson would ultimately earn the Medal of Honor for his actions that day, repeatedly crossing enemy fire to save the wounded and pick up the dead. One of the rescues was captured on a medevac pilot's camera, Sinek says, and what was captured on video is extraordinary. As Swenson loads the mortally wounded soldier into the helicopter, just before returning to the fight, he leans down and gives the man a gentle kiss on the head.
ROBERT ASCROFT
“I felt asked, "What is this? "", he said. The room is quiet and Sinek's voice is soft. "Where do people like that come from and why don't I have people I work with like that? He lets the question linger for a moment.
The difference comes from the environment, he says. These people weren't born that way. Such deep love must be cultivated over time.
“In the military, they give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves for others to gain,” he says. "In business, we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we can win." The crowd responds with affirmative nods.
This level of trust and selflessness, Sinek explains, is a reminder of our tribal ancestors, at a time when tribes of Homo sapiens were surrounded by things that could kill them, like the weather or lack of resources or vicious, carnivorous beasts. He turns to a huge pad of paper resting on an easel, picks up a marker and draws a large circle. Outside the circle he writes the word danger and inside it writes the word safe . Then he shows the paper and says, “Nothing has changed. ”
ROBERT ASCROFT
We have the same brain chemicals as our ancestors, and they are released for the same kinds of reasons. He turns the page on the oversized notepad and begins a list. Endorphins, Sinek explains, mask physical pain. Dopamine naturally comes with a sense of accomplishment, he says, which can keep us focused on our goals. But it can be very addictive, associated with drug, alcohol, gambling and smartphone notifications. Serotonin is what he calls “the gold standard chemical,” associated with public pride and recognition. Oxytocin, he explains, is associated with the good feeling you get when you're with someone you trust. "That's why we're willing to do a handshake deal without a contract, but not a deal without a handshake." »
In hunting and gathering societies, the biggest and strongest could eat first. And the little ones "might be more willing to elbow themselves in the face once in a while" if they knew that when danger hits, the bigger, stronger people would rush in to defend the group. Leadership in our society works the same way, he says. If you're the smartest or the strongest – if you're the leader – you might get the best office and the highest salary, but in exchange, it's your responsibility to run into danger.
Related: 5 Things Strong Leaders Do
“When your people believe this,” Sinek tells the crowd, “they love you. ”
He says that one of the most important feelings a leader can express to someone in his charge is “I have my back. There's nothing you can break that I can't help but put back together. I believe in you even when you no longer believe in yourself. »
ROBERT ASCROFT
The public is delighted. As he speaks, I write in the margin of my notebook:very fluid and very dramatic delivery .
Then Sinek, standing in front of the American Airlines logo on a stage in front of hundreds of longtime American Airlines employees, adds:
"That's why people love fly southwest. From the audience, there are audible gasps.
***
Sinek was born in England, but he says his accent comes and goes depending on who he's speaking to. His parents encouraged him to follow what interested him. After taking a course called “Culture and Cognition” at Brandeis University in Massachusetts, Sinek decided to major in anthropology with a focus on the study of Western urban culture. “I was fascinated by the world I lived in,” he says. Looking back, he says it's "kinda the same" he does now.
He did his field work in the mid-'90s with the Massachusetts State Police, according to his own words, "trying to understand the relationship between the police and the public". Sinek was an idealistic student, and it wasn't long after the Los Angeles riots, so he just wanted to find a way to make the world a better place. Some nights, he said, he donned a bulletproof vest, walked around officers and even approached cars with them during stops. (In the end, he says he was disturbed by the way the public treated the cops he observed, by the number of people he saw yelling at the police for what didn't seem be a reason.)
After graduating, he went to law school in London. He wanted to be a prosecutor, "put bad guys in jail." He liked to make arguments, but he says he quickly decided the culture there — where the etiquette on your suit often mattered more than the substance of your argument — wasn't for him. So he gave up and, on the advice of a girlfriend at the time, got a job in advertising. Here, his ability to explain things quickly and convincingly made him highly sought after. For five years, he climbed the industry ladder, then started his own marketing company. He had another three good years, followed by a very bad one.
ROBERT ASCROFT
He says his vision is “a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every morning inspired to go to work, feel safe while there, and come home fulfilled at the end of the day.”
He noticed that he spent a lot of time convincing others that he was happy, that he had organized his life so well. But he didn't sleep much and he didn't socialize. "I wasn't a good friend during that time," he says.
Around the same time, he started reading about neuroscience. He started to see patterns emerge and he realized that these brain chemicals seemed to explain the kind of things he was already doing in marketing and advertising. He developed a theory – when he talks about it, he says he “made a discovery” – and decided to test it on himself. So he got out of his lease and left his company and thought more and more about Why people do what they do. Why we buy what we buy and who we trust.
Related: Why are you doing what you are doing?
He decided that everything was solved. We organize around people and businesses that seem to share our values, the same way our ancestors organized themselves into tribes. The best leaders are those who can articulate their Why . In the 1960s, the civil rights movement coalesced around Martin Luther King Jr., Sinek theorizes, because he was best able to articulate its purpose — its why. Apple succeeded with a wide range of products when other tech companies struggled to diversify because Steve Jobs was always able to explain his company's ethos.
Sinek also argues that beginning in the 1980s, more and more companies began to "use humans to balance the books." He specifically cites the influence of Jack Welch. During his 20 years as CEO of General Electric, Welch grew the company's value exponentially, making it one of the largest in the world when he retired in 2001. (Fortune the magazine named him "Manager of the Century" in 1999.) But he was also known for the intense pressure he put on employees to perform at all costs. Anyone perceived to be underperforming was fired. And when profits fell, there were massive layoffs. The whole corporate culture, which has been replicated often over the past quarter century, was structured around maximizing shareholder profit, which Sinek says is a terrible way to lead any group of people. .
He says he has dedicated his life to undoing what Welch did to our society. Whether he writes books, speaks to companies or gives interviews, he wants to inspire people. He says his vision is “a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every morning inspired to go to work, feel safe while there, and come home fulfilled at the end of the day.”
He tells companies to find employees who share their values and empower them with confidence. He tells them to create a culture where their people care about each other like soldiers care about each other on the battlefield.
ROBERT ASCROFT, TAKEN AT AL MAR IN BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
The more Sinek talked about these ideas around his friends and former associates, the more people started asking him to come and talk about the same things in front of their colleagues and companies. At first, he says, he thought he should donate all speaking fees. Soon, however, he realized he could make a living doing this, going into companies and convincing them to care more about their employees. The U.S. Air Force was an early adopter of his concepts.
These days, he employs a team of 20 people spread across the United States.
Increasingly, he says he sees its concepts reproduced and repeated in society. It makes Sinek happy to think he could make the world a better place.
***
The interview didn't seem all that different from the dozens of other interviews he's done over the last decade. He sat down with Tom Bilyeu for a web talk show called Inside Quest . They discussed for an hour everything from the courage good leadership needs to non-traditional metrics you could use to measure a leader's impact. But the millennial discussion — which was originally a tangent to a different answer — was the part that spilled over. The topic only came up, Sinek says, wherever he speaks, he gets a question about millennials. That's why he started researching the topic.
Related : 6 Habits of Successful Millennials
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The full interview was posted online in late summer 2016, but it wasn't until New Years week that the clip started flooding Facebook and Twitter feeds. Bilyeu, who co-founded Quest Nutrition, says he was shocked by the distance and speed of the clip.
“My first thought was this is crazy! " he tells me. “I couldn't believe the speed and scale of the clip's virality. It was really crazy. My second thought was that it made sense.
Bilyeu says he thinks the video resonated because Sinek not only succinctly summarizes one of the biggest potential issues facing the workforce – the incongruity of younger generations – but he also offers solutions. Over the years, Sinek has repeatedly advocated for personal relationships, the kind you can't do through a screen. He wants people to put their phones away and talk to each other. It's something many of us can relate to, no matter our age.
"It obviously seems true to me that we're going through a period of unprecedented technological change," says Bilyeu. “It is sure to have an impact on people who are born in the middle of it. I think Simon put a very fine point on the changes in parenting, relationships with employers, and millennial mentality that this changing landscape has brought. Although he made broad general statements that could not hold up to every millennium, as a macro trend, I think his ideas were very powerful. ”
Although Sinek says he has only just begun to study these questions over the past few years – interviewing millennials and their supervisors, reading the latest research – but much of his career has been built on it. The millennial question allows Sinek to test many theories that have driven him for years:we have millions of disgruntled but determined young people who need to be treated with respect and dignity, who need to be treated as individuals and not in numbers . The only apparent solution is the approach Sinek has suggested since quitting his marketing job to talk about full-time leadership. He believes the industry now has a responsibility to fill the gaps in society, to teach a new generation the patience to build relationships and a fulfilling professional life.
By reading his books and making the time with him, I don't necessarily agree with every part of his assessment of the younger generation. I don't think millennials feel more empowered than Gen-Xers or Baby Boomers. Yes, young people love ordering from Amazon Prime and watching TV, but those things don't really prove that anyone struggles with delayed gratification. In fact, it would be faster to watch a show when it originally airs or go to the store to buy something that day than to have it delivered a few days later. There is also a certain inherent irony in a post that advocates disconnecting from social media spreading ubiquitously on social media.
When Sinek speaks, it is impossible to dispute everything he says. It's part of his genius. As he speaks, he infuses his concepts and explanations with short mini-scenes, conversations that he quickly stages to demonstrate an idea. He will pretend to be someone in a conference room, staring at his phone and ignoring the people around him. Then seconds later there will be two guys having a serious conversation about a sick relative – to show two hypothetical people building a deeper relationship with real connections because their phones are gone. The whole thing is spellbinding and sometimes, without even realizing it, you'll find yourself nodding.
When Sinek speaks, it is impossible to dispute everything he says. It's part of his genius.
Whether he's on stage, chatting with old friends or lounging in his hotel suite, he's disarmingly funny and smart, but he also makes you feel like you're in the presence of a scholarly scholar. His confidence is intimidating. It's also hard to disagree with someone who suggests people need to connect deeper with more empathy. The world needs more, not less, of this.
Related: Why the Empathetic Leader is the Best Leader
***
ROBERT ASCROFT
Back in the hotel ballroom, Sinek still says to the room full of American Airlines executives why he thinks the southwest is more popular.
"It's not that they have better people," Sinek said from the stage. "It's that their leaders trust them to know when to break the rules.
He gives examples of incidents he has seen flying over the country. Ticket agents who know when to give someone an upgrade. Gate agents who know when to let someone board early without disturbing other passengers. Flight attendants who know when someone needs a free beer. No one is afraid of being fired for a mistake made in the name of helping a client. Some recent public relations mistakes about other airlines could have been avoided – and the companies would have saved tens of millions of dollars in market value – if only airline employees had felt empowered to do the right thing. .
As his message has spread, Sinek says he does less of these types of corporate speeches. He says he wants to spend more time at his Manhattan home and focus on his own personal relationships, a part of his life he says he's neglected for too long. He refuses 39 invitations to speak out of 40 he receives. (He won't say exactly how much he earns from them, but he says he doesn't mind charging big companies a lot of money because he works for free with the military.) Sinek says he will not work with a company that just wants to increase sales; he must know that the executives believe in his philosophies.
"We work with companies that call us and say, 'We've had many, many years of dysfunction and a broken culture, and we want to do the right thing. We have new management in place and it is a huge undertaking. And we have some ideas, but we don't have all the ideas. We know it's going to be a long job, and we want to do it. Can you come? "It's like, Oh my God. Absolutely !
He says that's basically how he ended up talking to various groups of American Airlines employees for two weeks in Dallas. Now he's telling the public about a company where only senior executives are allowed to clean the office toilets.
"They treat it like a privilege," says Sinek. Most audience members take notes or nod, or both. He tells them to appreciate, even when things don't go as planned. Adjust expectations as needed. He suggests everyone “become the leader you wish you had.” Then it's time for questions and hands go up across the room.
ROBERT ASCROFT
Someone asks how he measures leadership. Sinek says the best metrics are often "asymmetrical metrics." How many sick days do employees take? How many drugs are prescribed to treat depression. Someone else asks about different management styles. “Personality has nothing to do with leadership,” says Sinek. Some of the best leaders are notoriously nice. And some are notoriously not nice. “What matters is that they are themselves.
He's been on stage for almost two hours when a woman in the back asks, "How can I get the best out of my people?" Sinek abruptly tells her that as a leader she is asking the wrong question. "You need more empathy," he said. “You have to take the time to find out what they need to do their job better. You have to ask, "What can I do to help?" »
One of the most important feelings a leader can express to a dependent is, “I have my back.”
He pauses for a moment and the room is quiet. He then explains what he calls “the true test of leadership.” In many ways, his entire doctrine — from his thoughts on purpose to his beliefs about tribalism and brain chemistry to what he says about millennials — boiled down to one question. His voice becomes soft again.
"When you ask someone how they are," he says. “Do You Really Care?
Related: Why a Compassionate Leader Gets Results
This article originally appeared in the August 2017 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
