It's Thursday afternoon. It's already my third week of work after my maternity leave. And since the first day I went back to work, this day has been circled in red on my calendar. It's the day of the team drink. I was looking forward to that. Finally no need to put children to bed with a goodnight kiss, but go back to town and have conversations other than conversations about children!
“Of course you are coming too!” my colleagues said. Especially now that I'm no longer breastfeeding, I can come along for a drink. And I had already arranged for my hubby to pick up the children from the childminder today. So I have my hands free today. What a luxury.
I get on my bike and cycle through the city to my destination. While I lock my bike, I look around the square. This was the place where until a few years ago I hung out in bars, laughing with friends, where we regularly went on until the early hours and where I then scored a currant bun on Saturday at 5.30 am on my way home at the bakery on the market. Yes… those were good times.
Once inside I taste the coziness. We have such a nice team and I am so happy with my job. I order a glass of white wine and the lady behind the bar gives me a choice of two fine options. It's been a while since I ordered a glass of wine at the bar, I realize. I opt for a delicious Sauvignon Blanc and sit down next to a number of colleagues to sink into beautiful conversations and loud laughter. For a moment it feels like then again and I feel the need to linger long, to come along for a bite to eat and drink a few more of those delicious wines. Yes, I have to work tomorrow, but hey, I'm used to getting little sleep now, so who cares!
And then it happened. I look outside and see my bicycle there. The ocean blue bicycle seat brings me back to reality and reminds me of my two sweet boys. And suddenly something I never expected happened. I looked at my watch. It was 6.30 pm.
“If I went home now, after a full day's work, I could just kiss my three-month-old baby goodnight and help put the oldest to bed”… The conversation started in my head. “No”, I thought right away. "Come on. You're away for a while! Now you can, now you have the space to enjoy yourself. You will see them again tomorrow and you can also put them to bed.”
I looked around again. I saw my lovely colleagues, half of whom had already left or had their coats on. Did I really want to stay with you so badly? Or do I just want it because it's possible now? Well.
Moments later I am on my bike home. As I open the door at home, I hear a cheerful voice. "Mom!" Sounds from above. As I walk upstairs, I hear the stories of my 2-year-old preschooler passing by at a rapid pace. Sounds like he's been through a lot today. I secretly peek around the corner with my sweet little baby who is just in bed. Such a lovely sight, such a little boy fast asleep. Together with my hubby and our toddler, we end up on the couch where endless books are read and where my son abuses my good mood mercilessly. “And now a good night kiss” I say at one point. He goes to bed much too late, leaving us exhausted but satisfied on the couch.
"Did you have a good time? I hadn't expected you at home for a long time." says hubby. I look at him with a smile and mumble something like that I'm getting old and that it's so good for today. “Next time”, I can still hear myself say.
When I'm in bed at 9.30 pm I realize that I could still have been in the city at this moment, just having a nice evening out. But secretly I know that I wouldn't have missed the moments at home tonight for anything. No, no wine or a nice evening without children can compete with that today!
