It remains a mixed feeling:Your children who go to your ex when it is his turn. And you who are left alone, in your little house where the floor was just strewn with Lego, dinosaurs, stuffed animals and minions. Suddenly there is a dead silence where people first laugh, honk cars and throw food. An empty high chair, some leftover fruit on a plate, a glass half full with thick juice! The life of a single parent without co-parenting…
Since 2 years I have been a single mother of 2 children aged 3 and 8. Me and my ex do not have co-parenting:I have the children 11 days out of 14. So a lot of the time. That is heavy. Especially in combination with my independent entrepreneurship. I work when the children are at school or at daycare. And I work when they are in bed at night. In addition, I often work when they go to their father's for the weekend. And every now and then I have a moment to myself. Sunday is holy, then mommy doesn't work.
But our arrangement also has advantages. My way of parenting is the most decisive and they see me as their basis. No discussions about food (organic yes or no?), clothing, bedtimes and other matters involved in parenting. Mama's will is law. With mom is 'home', with dad is 'staying'.
However, that does mean that if they go away for three days, I miss them terribly. Those 11 days we live in a tight rhythm to which all three of us have become accustomed. I have to switch.
And as soon as the button is 'on', I suddenly experience a sea of space and freedom again. Of peace and quiet around me. As a single parent I need this to recharge. To be able to complete those 11 days with the kids again later.
From 11 days running, flying, racing, banging, noise, cuddling, eating together, short nights,
arguing kids, laughing kids, living by the clock and going to bed on time. To three days of living by feel instead of by time. Eat what and when you want, do things where and with whom
you want. It is true that also work, but without taking into account dinner time and/or school pick-up time.
To have the feeling you had before you were a mother. That free feeling without obligations and sense of time. That is almost impossible for a mother to imagine 😉 .
At the same time, the feeling of guilt gnaws:Enjoying while your children are not with you .... am I a good mother, if I can feel it that way?
After those three days, I pick them up from school. Their happy faces make me happy and grateful. I get a hug and a few wet kisses on my cheek from the youngest. Deep down, at the same time, there is also a feeling of unrest:Am I going to last the next 11 days? Another button has to be turned.
So that double feeling. You can have that as a single parent.
