My very first “speaking engagement” was in my children’s kindergarten. I was so nervous my knees were shaking and my fingers groped through the copious notes I kept referencing. It's fair to say that I was much more focused on myself - making a good impression and not making fun of myself - than on the people in the room. All three.
It was a humble beginning. Since then, I've spoken to thousands of audiences (yes, the numbers have grown) and improved. The real aha moment came one day in Columbus, Ohio, when a technical glitch left me without a slide show or speaker notes. Nervous about ruining everything, I went to the bathroom and said my prayer, “Dear God, me again. No advice? As always, a divine whisper:“You know your stuff, Margie. You don't need these notes. Just talk to serve and you'll be fine. ”
And it was. In fact, it was the best presentation I have ever given. More from the heart, less from the head.
Countless people have asked me for advice on how to speak more confidently in front of others. They often shared stories of utter anxiety. A man said he vomited before speaking to colleagues at the annual conference. A woman has told how she needed a 'mental health' day to deal with her anxiety after her boss asked her to lead an important sales pitch to an important client. Another recounted how "I would die if I had to get up and do what you did."
While I'm sure she knew she wouldn't die, her language reflects the level of fear that people have to talk. Fear of exposure. Fear of being rejected. Fear of criticism, ridicule, social or professional humiliation. These fears may not be rational, but they are very real and often trigger an acute sense of vulnerability.
The number one tip I give to anyone looking for public speaking advice is the same that I give to anyone who wants to speak with more power, presence and impact. That's it:
Don't worry.
Of course, this might seem a bit too simple if your knees are shaky at the thought of even having to talk to just one person or if your job depends on nailing a sales pitch. But it's true.
When you do what you have to say about yourself, it keeps you from speaking in a way that optimizes how your words land on others. Ironically, the less self-focused you are when you speak, the more you actually do. improve outcomes for everyone. Which, in the end, is the biggest reason to never open your mouth!
Related: “The three rules of three” for effective communication
1. Set your highest intention.
What comes from the heart lands on the heart. So be clear about your highest intention for the people you speak to and anyone who might be indirectly affected by what you have to say. Keep in mind, your speech is not prove your brilliance, gain raving fans, make yourself "good" or others "bad" - it's all about making things better.
If your words only come from pride, d arrogance or ego, they will almost certainly trigger a reaction in others that will not further your cause. And while gaining raving fans may be the result of what you say, if that's your primary goal, your ego will undermine your authenticity.
2. Refine your main messages.
Keep it simple. People can only digest so much information. What is the main message you want people to remember and what are the main actions you want them to take? Limit it and don't overwhelm yourself. You're not doing anyone any good if people walk away from your presentation feeling like they just drank from a fire hose!
If you're using slides to illustrate your points or convey data, resist to the urge to fill every space with all the knowledge in your head. You will quickly lose your attention. Less is more.
3. Show, don't just tell.
A few months ago I was introduced to the husband of a new friend. Right away, he said, “Oh, we've met before. Very briefly. You were the keynote speaker at my company's business conference. I remember the story you told about your brother's motorcycle accident. He then shared how that story taught him to "reframe" when things weren't going to plan.
The point:People remember stories, not statistics. If I had just talked about the science of reframing, he would have long forgotten a key point of my speech. So share stories – of yourself or others, injecting humor where appropriate. Just make them relevant so they reinforce your main message.
4. Be humble and authentic.
Before people decide what they think about what you have to say, they decide what they think about you. Rest assured, no one warms up to someone who comes across as full of their own brilliance or pretentiousness. People want to know the human, not the hero. As a result, we connect to others much more deeply through our vulnerability than our victory; more through our stories of missteps and disappointments than our stories of fame or nailing it for the first time.
So share your journey, but balance strengths with weaknesses, success with setbacks, high with hard work and turmoil. This does not negate the importance of owning your worth and believing in your worth. It simply means speaking with humility, curiosity and authenticity.
5. Tune into your intuition.
Learning to read the room is a skill that takes time. You build it by simply becoming present to whoever shares your space, putting yourself in their shoes, and tuning into that “sixth sense” to see and feel the world as they do. What do you think weighs on people's minds? What conversations are not happening? What emotions are they struggling with? What unmet needs, frustrations, and fears stand between them and the actions that might serve them?
This may just be a small idea. Trust him. And then be prepared to adjust what you say to address unspoken concerns. It can turn a good speech into a brilliant one.
6. Embody the authority.
Your being speaks louder than your words ever can. So be careful about how you present yourself to others – how much presence you bring to the room or to the stage. Your physiology impacts your psychology. Hold yourself as someone who knows the value of what they are going to say? It's not about bulking up or putting on a mask. It's about stepping into your power to embody authenticity.
Alter your posture to be straight and upright. Take a few deep breaths and connect with the ground beneath your feet. Own your space and the right to be where you are. Soften your face and smile with your eyes when making eye contact with others. Next, speak with a calm, confident tone of voice that reveals your respect for others, yourself, and your sincere desire to serve. After all, if there is something you really want to say, chances are there are people who really need to hear it.
7. Give yourself permission to improve.
Speaking in front of the public in a way that engages and influences is a skill. Like all skills, it can be developed and mastered with practice. So don't wait until you're 100% sure you're going to speak with the power of Tony Robbins, the charisma of Bill Clinton or the elegance of Oprah before you open your mouth. You may be waiting your whole life. Instead, decide to allow yourself not to nail every interaction or presentation, but simply to enhance them.
Remember, it's not about you!
Your voice matters. Your opinions matter. Never doubt it. Or yourself. Instead, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and then open your mouth to inform, uplift, and move forward.
In the end, it's no more or less difficult than that.
Related: Your Words Are Powerful:8 Positive Speaking Habits to Build You
