Leadership is about influence. The most important person to influence is yourself. Because it's true, the question is, How can we best influence each other?
Related: 5 things you need for a successful mindset
Here are five ways the smartest people do it.
1. Make peace with the uncontrollable.
Find out the things you can change, then change them. If you can't change something, learn to live with it. It means changing your attitude to the uncontrollable. You learn to live with it by making peace with it. I have discovered (repeatedly) that worrying about something is not a good problem solving technique. Still, it becomes my default mode unless I override it with something else. If I make peace with her, I can stop worrying about her.
Worrying about something you can't change is like being in a hole and digging faster.
You feel like you are doing something, but it only makes it worse. By not worrying, you make room for new thoughts and ideas. Every life has positive and negative dimensions. Let go of what you cannot control. Invest your energy in what you can. Your attitude is the first place to start.
2. Let go of the past.
Nothing is gained by pointing out what others have done or what is wrong with them. Yet we do it with ourselves. Focus on how to improve the future rather than the reasons for the past. We learn from the past, but we do not live in it. We learn from the past and invest in the future by living today.
Our brightest future depends on today.
Preparation today will eliminate repair tomorrow. Take note of the beauty of today unfolding around you. If you assign it to the future, you will never experience it. If you focus on the past, you've already missed it.
3. Focus on what's important.
Life is full of rabbit trails. Don't waste physical and emotional energy on the trivial. This will help eliminate what Marshall Goldsmith calls life vicariously. Living vicariously gets us nowhere. We do this through TV, gossip columns, and our personal gossip groups. It's easy to talk about the Kardashians' exploits, Bill Cosby's latest meltdown, or the hottest news about a mutual acquaintance. It's the trap of talking about others rather than finding out how we can make a difference.
There's a lot of nonsense in our daily discussions, and most of it doesn't matter.
Is the investment on the subject really worth it? What is it worth in 10 hours? In ten days? Ten years from now? Playing it forward will help you determine its current value. You can argue, debate, argue and be right, but is it worth it? Train your mind to use the 10/10/10 approach before investing time in the discussion.
4. Invest in yourself.
This is not an act of selfishness. If I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of you. Investing in me allows me to invest in you. Investing in yourself could mean putting money, time and energy into contributing to your personal growth and development.
Investing in yourself allows you to invest in others.
It is the natural flow of life. You can't give what you don't have.
5. Invite feedback as an opportunity to be transparent.
Feedback allows you to learn new information and skills. But it also makes you more transparent. It helps you develop an openness about who you are. Feedback is not about pleasing others. It's an exercise in getting to know yourself.
Growing in your personal curiosity and openness is attractive. This kind of person is trustworthy, optimistic, flexible, ready and cheerful. Transparency helps produce these traits.
People are not attracted to perfection. They are attracted to transparency.
One of life's greatest challenges is influencing yourself in a world that constantly pressures you to conform your image to theirs. It can be immobilizing. Someone is always richer, prettier, smarter, stronger, younger, wiser, and funnier than you. The paradox is that the more we influence ourselves to be ourselves, the more people like us. And we love each other more too.
Related: 5 ways to increase your influence
This post originally appeared on LeadershipTraQ.com .
