Melissa Thrailkill just doesn't know what to do.
Thrailkill is a family law attorney in private practice in Dallas. She enjoys helping people and being her own boss. She loves not having to do office politics or play nice with people she doesn't like. She's happy outside of a corporate environment, not "dealing with gossip, fake friends, the typical B.S.," she says. "I'm not going to get on the sailboat with the executive director if that's not how I want to spend my Saturday. ”
But she’s not very happy either. At times, Thrailkill feels like it's being pulled in a million different directions or dragged down by formulaic tasks like writing documents. "Even though I help people, it's not difficult," she says. "It's just boring. I feel like I'm not realizing my potential. It also seems that no matter how much she hustle, she doesn't make enough money to feel comfortable.
Sometimes Thrailkill thinks she should give up her solo practice and get a job. in a well-established law firm. Other times, she thinks what she really needs is an attitude adjustment. Does she need a change of situation or a change of mentality?
Related: Before You Quit Your Job, Try These 3 Things
Deciding can be difficult.
Many people's first impulse when they start to feel uncomfortable about their job is to blame others or work environment, says Lisa Sansom, who puts her master's degree in applied positive psychology to work as a business coach. "We don't think it has anything to do with us," she said. "We believe the situation is out of our control and there is nothing we can do. »
Thrailkill is well aware of this risk. “In my 20s and early 30s, I never thought my attitude was the problem,” she says. “So you mature and have life experiences and think, Maybe that was my attitude . ”
The first thing you need to do when considering a job change is to take stock of what is going on in your life. For example, you don't need to add a new job to the mix if you get a divorce, just lost a parent, or suffered a financial setback. "A lot of people have such desperation and anxiety at this point that they want to quit," says Dallas psychologist Delane Kinney. "Your brain isn't really online, so you lose perspective. This loss of perspective almost happened to Kerry Wekelo, managing director of human resources and operations at Actualize Consulting in Reston, Va. Shaken by the death of someone important to her, she began to search for his soul and says she realized, “I was living a lie. I was not happy in my marriage, I was not happy in my job. Wekelo and her husband got divorced and she considered quitting her job to become a yoga teacher. But she came back to reality when she realized that, financially, it would be a bad decision for a single mother. So she stayed at her job but began to explore how changing her mindset could improve her situation.
Related: 3 easy tips to fall in love with your job again
Think of all angles
Becoming aware of how you might need to change is a rational first step to correcting a bad work situation. The next step is to ask someone for advice.
In the workplace, consulting a manager or mentor can be helpful, Sansom says. She recommends entrepreneurs in particular have a “board of mentors — people you can talk to on a regular basis who are going to be a sanity check, a business check, those who can talk to you when you're dealing with all the things entrepreneurs spend. »
Becoming aware of how you might need to change is a rational first step to correcting a bad work situation. The next step is to ask someone for advice.
If Sansom was Thrailkill's business coach, she might suggest that she decide how much she wants to earn, figure out how to set limits on her time, and maybe charge some clients more so she can continue to help clients low income.
In thinking about how you might resolve a situation, you can also draw on the red-cloak-green-cloak approach developed by James Pawelski, Ph.D., one of the former professors of positive psychology of Sansom at the University of Pennsylvania. "Imagine having superhero powers," she explains. “A red cape lets you stop all the bad things in the world, but that doesn't mean the good ones will get better. The green cape lets you make the good things stronger and better, but it doesn't fix any of the bad things. Which do you choose? »
If you are in a workplace with a micromanaging boss, for example, you can put on your green cape and focus on the good of the job – perhaps your colleagues, your salary or the impact of your work on the community. Or you can wear the red cape and try to fix the bad job by talking to human resources and exploring strategies for dealing with a micromanager.
Make an informed decision
To determine his work situation, Wekelo looked both inside and outside of his business. “We are a consulting firm and one of my biggest responsibilities is hiring our talent,” she says. "I wasn't happy with the way we were running our organization, and I didn't feel ethically right bringing people into our organization. During her attitude adjustment, she read Leadership and Self-Delusion:Thinking Outside the Box , published by The Arbinger Institute, which was transformative for her. “It was about being accountable for every situation you find yourself in,” she says.
In becoming responsible on the job, Wekelo approached one of the founding partners, who is her brother, and suggested ways she thought the company culture could improve. The company embraced his suggestions, the culture improved, and Wekelo was able to stay happy at work. She then wrote Cultural Infusion:9 Principles for Creating and Sustaining a Thriving Company Culture .
However, there may come a time when, no matter how much thought you have done or how many adjustments you have made to your attitude, you conclude that a job change is the only good decision, as did Lori Cheek.
After earning a master's degree in architecture, Cheek followed the expected career path. "I've had some of the coolest jobs you can get," she says, including store planning and design for designer Christian Dior. “I flew to Paris, all over America. [But] I was so dissatisfied. I arrived at work every day at 9:15 a.m. and got in trouble for it. Every day there was this fear factor – of what I was wearing, of being too long for lunch. She liked the friends she made at work, but then got into trouble for socializing too much.
She continued to work in sales at a few other places – great jobs, same problem. “I was still super unhappy with the stress, the hours and the fear.” She did not like feeling held by her employer. “I just wished there was more time in the day back then,” she says. "I didn't want to live the weekend like that. ”
Finally, when she was downsized from her last job, Cheek decided to pursue an idea that had been on her mind for years and created the dating app Cheekd, which connects users to nearby each other. This entrepreneurial adventure turned out to be more expensive than she thought and she puts in just as many, if not more, hours into her corporate jobs. But seven years later, she's thriving.
"Now I live a lifestyle that I love," she says. “I am delighted to wake up in the morning, delighted to open my computer. ”
For some people, a change in mindset will be the trick, while for others, a new job or career will do the trick. The key is to consider carefully, and perhaps uncomfortable, all aspects of your situation before making a decision.
Related: 5 lessons on how to make a successful career change
This article originally appeared in the Fall 2018 issue of LadiesBelle I/O magazine.
