“I am the expert on my intent, but you are the expert on my impact.”
This popular leadership slogan is one of the reasons many leaders struggle today. How many times have you had a conversation with someone only to learn that they interpreted your message differently than you intended? Or were they found to be hooked on a phrase or a word, completely missing the point?
The words you use as a leader, even if they're not malicious, can always have a negative impact on your team. The problem is, you might not even know you're doing it.
Related: 13 Communication Mistakes Leaders Make
Here are five common phrases that can create pushback from your employees:
1. " I can not do anything.
Have you ever called customer service and heard, "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do." Frustrating, right? This sentence insinuates that you are out of ideas. Would you follow someone who was out of ideas? Good leaders are never short of ideas; there are just things they haven't tried yet. You might feel frustrated and feel like there's nothing you can do right now, but if you use this phrase frequently, expect your team to feel hopeless and pessimistic.
Replace it with:"If I had a magic wand, what else could I do?" »
2. “Always” and “Never”
Absolute phrases are dangerous to have in your leadership vernacular. The old adage “never say never” holds true here. When it comes to leading others, remember that people have long memories and this type of absolute could come back to haunt you. The more ridiculous your absolute comment, the more it will be remembered.
Replace it with:"Usually", "sometimes", or "I haven't experienced this yet".
3. “No, because…”
This phrase qualifies you as a negative leader, or worse, a leader who is not open to new ideas. If you find yourself constantly thinking or saying, "We can't do this because it's never worked in the past" or "No, because we've always done it this way..." maybe is you. Employees find it difficult to follow a negative leader. If one of your team members comes up with a new idea, it doesn't take too many “No, because…” comments before stopping altogether.
Replace it with, “Yes, we could do that if…»
4. "Does that make sense?
You may be looking for agreement or to ensure clarity by using this phrase, but it insinuates that your employees just don't get it. Not only that, but that kind of phrasing just sounds like a lecture from your parents. One of the fastest ways to close the communication door is to talk to someone. Expect to see resistance when taking this approach.
Replace it with, "Do you have any questions to clarify?" or "I'm not sure I'm explaining this correctly." What do you think? »
5. “But”
I blame the “sandwich technique” for this one. As leaders, we're often taught to soften criticism by starting with a compliment, like, "I really like your work, but you need to improve to meet deadlines. When your employees understand that you regularly use this one, they start to know but come and they prepare for it. In fact, they might completely mask your compliment or start to doubt your sincerity.
Replace it with:Any variety of phrases! Mix it up and eliminate the word “but” completely. You can also consider leaving the compliment alone. Not everything has to be a teachable moment.
Most leaders use these expressions daily, but they are usually unaware of their impact. When you become self-aware enough to resume your own vernacular habits – or even take the time to ask for team feedback on your communication style – you might be surprised at the effect changing a few key phrases. A small tongue tweak can have a big impact.
Related: 10 phrases to remove from your vocabulary
