About 30 years ago, I was invited to spend three days with Peter Drucker, the guru of gurus, the man dubbed "the creator of modern management." This experience is among my fondest memories and is a defining moment in my leadership journey.
I absorbed Drucker's wisdom, and at the end of our time together he asked, "Now that you learned from me, who will you teach? ”
Until then, I hadn’t really thought about mentoring. I was in my 40s and still on a steep developmental hill. I imagined the mentors as old people with a strong legacy. But it struck me:in mid-career, I certainly had more experience than those who had just started. And I had the wisdom of leaders who had taken the time to share their experiences with me, everyone from Drucker to my college professors to my father. I didn't want to be a repository of information – I wanted to be more like a river, fed by a spring, then flowing to support multiple streams, streams, and pools.
I would like to explore mentoring in this column:how to transmit knowledge, how to receive it and how to establish a productive partnership. Mentoring is a cycle that never ends. Once you embrace it, you will always be a mentor and you will always be a mentor. Even today, at 70, I constantly seek the wisdom of others. And I'm going to let you in on a little secret:sometimes my teachers are much younger than me. Mentoring is born of experience, not age.
Related: The Powerful Legacy of Mentoring
For Mentors:
1. Choose wisely.
I am often asked how I choose my mentees. I cannot cite a formula. I certainly don't have an application process. I go largely by instinct and observation:Did the candidates show potential? Is their passion obvious? Are they clear about what they hope to achieve? How do they contact me? A young man once asked me if he sent me a card with just one question each month, would I write an answer and send it back? His seriousness and respect for my time struck a chord. We corresponded by letter for years.
I also consider my skills. Can I deliver what this person is looking for? Will my talents and experiences accelerate this person's journey? If the answer is no, I will try to pair it with someone else.
2. Don't overdo it.
When you take someone under your wing, you have to make sure you don't squeeze them into an already crowded space. I work with no more than 10 people a year, giving them my full attention when we are together.
Remember that mentoring does not require a scheduled appointment. Some of my best sessions with Mark Cole, my long-time mentee and CEO of my company, are simply teachable moments that occur throughout the day.
3. Consider your lessons carefully.
Mentoring is both spontaneous and structured. At first, I made the mistake of taking scripting courses based on what I thought my mentees needed. These days, I let my mentees set the agenda, ask questions, and dictate the direction of our sessions. But I control their structure. A good instruction has three elements:
• Layers: Your lessons should overlap. You are developing a foundation. Your mentee will continue to build a house.
• Connections: Your lessons should connect to each other like puzzle pieces, with each piece of information linked together to form a bigger picture.
• Exploration: As the foundation develops, your student should understand that one lesson leads to another and that a line of questioning can branch off in many directions.
4. Pass it right away.
Every time you share information, you relearn yourself. It is a verbal way of highlighting the most important parts of a learning experience. I like to pass on new knowledge quickly, when it's fresh and I'm excited about it.
Related: 7 Ways to Be the Best Mentor Ever
For Mentees:
1. Know what you want.
Before approaching a potential mentor, ask yourself:
• What am I trying to learn? What are my short and long term goals?
• Why am I courting this particular leader? (Note:Because he is rich and/or famous is not a valid reason.) How can he help me achieve these goals?
• At the end of the year, what will I Do I consider this relationship a win or a win?
2. Understand the relationship.
Mentoring should be friendly, but it is not friendship. Time is used intentionally, with well-defined goals for each session that support an overall long-term goal.
3. Respect your mentor's time.
When one of my heroes, legendary basketball coach John Wooden, agreed to meet with me, I treated the opportunity like a one-time deal. I arrived at his Los Angeles apartment armed with five pages of questions, single-spaced, on a legal pad. He looked at me a little stunned, but then gave me hours of his time. At the end of our meeting, he looked at me and said, “John, I appreciated that. When you think of more questions, you can come back to me. But!
One of my former mentees is Courtney McBath, a remarkably talented young man who established Calvary Revival Church in Virginia, which is now one of the largest congregations in the country. McBath would start each of our sessions like this:
This is what you said…
This is what I learned…
This is what I did…
Did I do it right?
Can I ask another question?
My response was always, "Ask away." »
4. Know when you're ready.
My first mentors – after my father – were books and audio tapes. I was just starting. I was not yet qualified to be instructed by anyone. What did I know?
Start with independent research. Keep notes. Write down your questions. The best of these requests could become your version of the "John Wooden list".
5. Show your growth.
Once you've found a mentor, share your successes, big and small. Mentors do not ask to be paid. Their reward is your success.
Related: 10 Ways to Find Your Perfect Mentor
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My life was enriched the moment I accepted Drucker's challenge. I love being caught up in this continuous cycle of learning and teaching, and knowing that my mentees will do the same. Mentorship is how we spread our influence, transfer our wisdom and allow others to participate in our experiences.
Today you learned from me. Now, how are you going to teach others?
This article originally appeared in the March 2018 issue of SUCCESS magazine.
