When I graduated from college and decided to pursue a career in writing, I knew I wouldn't make a lot of money. What I didn't expect was how much it would hurt me. While all my friends were on girly trips to Miami and moving into one-bedroom apartments, I was sharing a bathroom with three other people and calculating if I had enough money to get home for Christmas.
After a while, it became difficult not to equate my value as a person with my value as an employee, and my negative attitude towards both spilled over into my personal relationships . I'd have a bad day at work and find myself snapping at my roommates or any other family members who were so bold as to call me and see how I was doing.
Related: Why is being an adult so difficult?
It wasn't until I started to focus on the value I had in all parts of my life - not just the ones I was paid – that my net worth stopped dictating how I treated people and how I treated myself. Here are four tips to help you your net worth decide your self esteem.
1. Understand your market value.
If you choose to enter a competitive field, sometimes you will have to make financial sacrifices. Me, along with half of New York, seemed to pursue a career in writing. This meant that I was easily replaceable and did not have the power to ask for a lot of money. These were and still are realities I had to deal with every day.
However, if you feel you are rightfully undervalued in your job, tell someone. A mentor, the person in the position directly above yours – someone who will be honest with you about what you should be paid and how to ask your employer for more if your salary doesn't meet those targets.
Once you flesh out your market value, it will be easy for you to not feel so alone and get bogged down in the amount of money you earn. Your salary doesn't define you and shouldn't be your only source of happiness. Your market value is just that – your value in a specific market. Don't do more than that.
Related: 9 things more important than money
2. Don't take your work home.
When you make a mistake at work, there are two things you need to do:learn from it and then let it go. According to Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell Medical College, work stress “does damage — it causes increased blood pressure, gastrointestinal problems, and brain cell death. in the long term.”
In other words, working life causes a lot of physical and mental stress. And because you don't want to show stress or anxiety at work, you end up taking it with you. So often we fall into a cycle of slipping at work, getting bad tempered with people in our personal lives because of it, and then feeling guilty about both. If you keep your work mistakes at work and away from home, you'll be less likely to assimilate the value of both.
3. Engage in activities that are outside of your purview.
The easiest way to feel more valuable is to find joy and purpose in an activity that does not earn you money. Volunteering is a common and valid suggestion. According to HelpGuide.org, “Volunteering also gives you renewed creativity, motivation, and vision that can carry over into your personal and professional life.”
If you don't feel you can commit to volunteering , try picking up an old hobby. Creating something you won't be judged on gives new meaning to how you spend your time and how you enjoy yourself. You are more than what your company pays you – you might just have to pick up knitting to believe it!
4. Don't compare your market value to others.
It may seem obvious, but making a conscious effort to focus solely on your own progress each day is actually a lot of work. Mainly because there is an endless amount of people you can compare yourself to, and more than likely, you are going to compare yourself to someone who has accomplished something you would like to do.
Comparing yourself to others can also prevent you from being really happy for those who progress. Set personal goals that have nothing to do with those around you, and you'll be more willing to celebrate your own accomplishments and those of others.
Related: 3 ways to avoid the lifestyle comparison trap
